Why doesnt my husband desire me?
I am 44. My husband is 45. We have been married for 3 months. Dated for 2 years. We are great friends and get along great. But my husband does not ever approach me for sex. Any time we have sex, it is because I initiate it. I feel like I make love to him, rather than he making love to me. I am sick of it. We can be in bed and cuddle and kiss, but he doesnt allow it to become sexual. If it starts to get passionate, he stops participating. Will lay there motionless. Even if I get in to bed naked, he doesnt touch me. Doenst even make a comment about it. Completely ignores it. It is not because he has sexual difficulties. He is hard as a rock and when we do have sex it is great. But it is infrequently. I do not believe him to be gay.There are absolutely no signs. And there is absolutely no sign of infidelity. If we are not at work, we are home together. I am perplexed as to how we can be so close OUT of bed, that it cant translate IN bed. He is affectionate and cuddly. Just no sex.
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Tags: cuddle, great friends, hard as a rock, infidelity, kiss, making love, sexual difficulties, signs
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Talk to him…don’t bother with strangers on Yahoo Answers..we don’t know your relationship like you should.
Talk DIRECTLY TO HIM.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
is he tired overworked or something he would not have married if he did not fancy you. ignore him and see what he does.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
When he is in the shower/tub go in and i think you know the rest.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Does he have any problems??? Overweight, ill health, etc???
There are many things you can do using dietary supplements or exercise…
Or alternatively, ask for an open marriage and go searching for some other guy(s) to fill your needs… There are plenty of us out here…
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
try lickin’ your own nipple in front of him. then start to masturbate.
if that doesn’t get his attention, then nothing will.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I wouldn’t ask this here. You are asking for insults because people like to clown here. I realize your problem is serious. But you need a professional to speak to, and not just sympathetic ears (which is the best you will do here in the way of "help") or trolling teenagers.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
He is interested in something else, what I don’t know.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
It may be a sexual dysfunction. I don’t mean the physical part , but mentally. You need to talk to him about this and find out just what is wrong. He may need to see a Doctor.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
maybe you should be asking him these questions and not on yahoo Q&A.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Been where you are at hon….Married almost 21yrs. have you tried asking him his fanatsies? Would you be willing to participate in them>?
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
He is gay and using you for a cover.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
he may have been hurt badly in a past relationship, and hasn’t been able to work through those problems, maybe he just has a low sex drive. talk to him tell him how this is hurting the marriage.maybe seek some counseling for both of u.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Ask him.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Ask him. Is his behavior with regard to sex any different now than when you were dating? If so, behavior changes usually signals some "barrier" . . . usually emotional or psychological … nothing serious usually … .just some "unfinished" business from the past or current stressors. Oddly enough sometimes marriage, acts as a wet towel on an otherwise lively sex life. Many reasons. Talking with him might provide some clues to you. The fact that he "gets it on" is a good sign.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
You need to talk to him. Tell him that this is really bothering you and he needs to tell you why. I don’t think that is "normal" There is a problem with him that he needs to be open with you about. You will just become more and more frustrated over time.And also try not to be interested any more, sometimes when a man thinks your not for some reason they are. Maybe its the challenge that entices them.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Maybe he just has a low libido, or is the rare man that just is not that interested in sex, you have got to talk to him, other wise you will always be frustrated, and it willput a strain on your new marriage, was the sex better before marriage?? If so maybe he sees you differently as a wife.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
ask him if you could give him a BJ to get things started
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Could it be that maybe he is afraid to show his body? Or also he could be in the beginning of a depression because when someone is depressed he/she loses interest in sexual activity. I’ve been through it. I think that you should talk to him and discuss it together and if any problems come up go and seek professional help together.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Girlfriend…I hear you and I understand! I have been in this boat now twice. I date someone and everything is all hot and heavy when you are dating and then as soon as you slip on the wedding rings…you stop doing the hot and heavy. I tried to get the answer from my husband of almost 2 years now and he told me that you loose interest in your partner. He went on the web and showed me all kinds of info of how people don’t have the same interest in each other once they are married as they do when they are dating. He told me that it has to do with I you see your partner in a different "light". It is the reason why people cheat. They like the excitement of new relationships. All I can tell you is you just have to be the aggressor or you will never get it. I know in your hopes you want to "be loved", but you have to put them away. Make it playful. I hope this helps. I wish you many years of a happily married life!
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
you have to understand that men too go thru stages of mid-age-problems and crisis…. i would firstly, try talking to him about it…that would be best, and encourage him to tell you the truth and not to be shy about it…make the situtation comfortable for him, because obviously there is something uncomfortable going on. whatever the problem or reasoning may be, he needs to understand that sex is apart of marriage. it shouldnt break the marriage, but it is def. a roadblock, bc all human beings desire it at one point or another. also, maybe you should ask a doctor, have him take a visit….sometimes situtations like this can be health related…or maybe, he has a hard time getting thru sex, maybe his heart races too much, or it is painful for him, ect.
whatever the reasoning may be, you need to talk to him about it and remember to be honest and simpathetic.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
He has a girl friend that is hotter than you. Just let him alone. When she breaks up with him, he will start doing you again.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Have you asked him why? ("Honey, I’m a little concerned about our different appetites when it comes to sex and I’d like us to talk about it.")
Was he like this before you married him?
If not, has his work situation changed? Are there some outside issues (family concerns, finances, etc.) that may be on his mind?
Is it possible that he has a medical condition that he’s not discussing with you? When was the last time he had a physical?
Start from the beginning and simply ask him. Don’t approach him in a manner that will make him defensive and unwilling to talk, approach it from the standpoint of it being a concern that affects you both. Approach him from a stand point of love; think about how you’d want him to approach you if the situation were reversed.
I understand your situation; my husband and I have appetites when it comes to sex. I usually initiate it with mixed results. I have no doubt that my husband loves me. Like yours, he’s very affectionate. For us, it really boils down to us having different needs, though he’s making a greater effort.
Talk to him.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
Sorry you are in this situation.
It’s really a matter of mismatched sex drives.
There is a whole support group of people who suffer this same plight.
SWAGE
Feel free to get in contact with me/us.
You have my complete sympathies from someone who knows how horribel this is.
April 2nd, 2010 at 4:54 pm
This sounds really wierd - did you have good sex before the marriage? I think it sounds like he has some sort of intimacy issue - you really need to talk to him and address it outright - ask him the specific question and cover all the points that you have mentioned in your note. Dont let him fob you off wiht this one - ensure you get the answers that you need. You should plan this chat carefully - ensure that you have the time and privacy to tak and that he is relaxed etc - dont bring this up when he has just finished work or is stressed etc - take the phone off the hook so you dont get disturbed. Maybe he feels a little anxious about sex and pressured - perhaps you can agree times that are better - like weekends or days off etc. You need to get to the bottom of this as it sounds like mostly you have a great relationship. Good luck.