What should I do when my husband is planning infidelity?
I found that my husband’s Christmas plans differed from mine because he had plans to meet up with a chick from high school and have sex. I confronted him and he is mad at me for "snooping". I agree however he wouldn’t be mad if he didn’t write something he shouldn’t. He tells me that I need to change so I am working on that…bringing my self pride back and yesterday he signed up for Eharmony. Last night I tell him me and our 3 kids are moving and he tells me no knowing that he had already done this and sounded very sincere when telling me that he loves me and doesn’t want to be going through this. This morning I checked his email to find out about why his paycheck wasn’t in the bank and saw a lot of matches from eharmony so I told him. When I asked him why he signed up for eharmony it was the same answer as before "curiousity". We have been through a lot of tough things in our nine years of being together and I am very much in love with my husband which makes this a lot harder. Also I have to figure out how to go from a stay at home mom to a single mom if this doesn’t work. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can fix things from my side and get him to really truely want to fix things on his side? Or am I just a hopeless romantic that always looks for the good that every situation can turn into? Please help with suggestions. Thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Tags: chick, christmas, christmas plans, curiousity, eharmony, email, love, nine years, paycheck, self pride, single mom, stay at home, stay at home mom, taking the time
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
I would say it depends on how much honour and self-respect you have….generally, they guide us to the positions we take in life….staying or leaving from relationships, etc.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
I would leave.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
It sounds like he doesn’t really care or want to fix things. I know that’s tough, but it seems like you have to start the difficult process of moving on. However, if you strongly believe that he can change and you’re both willing to put in some work, sign up for marriage counselling. It can really help communication and strengthen your bond. If he’s not willing to do this though, it sounds like you marriage may unfortunately be a lost cause. Best of luck to you though.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Start by getting a job so you can save money.
If he hasn’t cheated by now, he is certainly planning to.
Get tested for STDs.
You cannot make him not cheat. He has to do that on his own.
Tell him you won’t stay in an open marriage.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
this guy is an A #1 jerk who you should kick to the curb and do so fast.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
You leave him. Now. Go to a relatives with your kids and get away from this man, he does not love you. He is lying to you and using you.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Meet up with an EX and have sex!!! and serve him with divorce papers on Xmas!!!
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Your a hopeless romantic that is going to find herself alone. It is time to take your hopeless romantic self out of this situation and move on to someone whom will love and respect you.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
He is NOT interested in being with you. You need to wake up, realize he doesn’t want you, and move on in life. You are asking to be dumped on, and he is obliging you. You are a fool if you think anything less.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
You want him to change his actions, well then its time to change yours.. sorry but if my husband was doing all of that.. id be out the door, doesnt mean id divorce him just means im not going to put up with that crap and he better make up his mind whether he’s single or married real quick and im not going to sit there and wait on him to decide..
Your being a doormat and ur man isnt gonna change any time soon.. i know you ultimately dont want to lose him, and that you love him, but sweetie u dont want him if all he’s going to do is hurt u either.. what u want is a man thats going to be faithful and love only you.. and by you sticking around and taking it.. your basically saying "well although im getting alittle angry, and crying about this no matter how you treat me like garbage im going to sit here and let u do this" and well once he see’s he can do all this and ur just going to take the punches as he’s dishing them out, HE ALWAYS WILL.. fact is , if he really loves u and he loves his family, he’ll fight to keep you and do whatever it takes to prove to u that he’s the man u need him to be.. if u go and he doesnt chase after you or he does the whole "baby come back " but does nothing but spit words into the air with out changing his ways then he doesnt want you, doesnt love u and he’s more interested in being single..
SO you have a choice you can either change your actions (and that doesnt have to be leaving him, u could just turn cold, do for yourself and your kids, stop feeding into his ego, start going out with your friends start doing things that make you happy like buying a new outfit, getting your hair or nails done , excercising etc what ever it is that makes u feel happy and more confident) and let him sweat it out of what your up to and why the change in you and the fact that ur not boohoo begging him to be your man.. but something has to give.. or you can sulk, and be walked all over and realize that your man will eventually cheat on u , and your just going to have to deal with it…
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
you know he doesn’t love you or else he wouldn’t be doing this.. it’s the fear of starting over that keeps you there.. stop living in denial that he’ll one day change cause that one day has come and gone long ago..
what you should do is contact friends or family and see if you can move in for a little bit, get a job and get out on your own..
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
How ironic that he wants you to change and if you bring your self esteem back up you would dump him. You can not fix things yourself and he isn’t interested in fixing things or he wouldn’t be on e-harmony. First, I will give you a link to bring up your self esteem. You may be a hopeless romantic but you have to realize that not every situation can turn into a good ending unless you change the situation. In your case that means leaving him behind and finding someone to love who will love you enough to not want to cheat. If you still want to try to fix this, I will give you something else to think of. If your children see you putting up with this jerk, they may in time find their own jerk to treat them like he is treating you and I am sure you would not want that.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
Your Christmas plans are going to differ too. Move out now.
Go stay with family or friends until you get back on your feet. Find a job, any job for now. Factor in daycare with will cost a pretty penny. See if relatives can watch your kids first. Go back and get an education at nights or on the weekends. I know it will be hard when you have 3 children but you need to gain your independence from this man.
Get a divorce as soon as possible and get out of this situation and move as far away as possible. Rebuild your life as you want it. It will bring you peace of mind.
I would never stay with a man that is doing these type of things. There is no trust.
It is better to be single and happy than stay in a marriage where you are miserable.
December 25th, 2010 at 9:43 pm
No more sex with hubby till things are talked and worked out - he’s not being faithful.
He has to admit and agree to stop all this BS (no more eharmony) - it’s NOT curiosity - its intent to cheat
This isn’t about YOU (what you are and are NOT doing for him), it’s about your relationship and if he tries to blame you - time to walk away . . . and think about what you want because he can’t even be honest with you . . .