What can I do about the relationship Between my husband and a female co-worker she has become his work spouse?
This is the definition of a ‘ work spouse’. I am so glad I found this article so I could finally understand what was upsetting me so much about their behavior. I sent this article to my husband to try to help him understand…I don’t know how to get her to stop her behavior without fueling their relationship. Thanks. I am keeping this disaster in my marriage a secret from all and i have now hidden my profile so no one can find this that knows me. I know my husband is telling her everything about us and it kills me.
Do You Have a Work Spouse?
by Motte Brown on 11/25/2008 at 11:58 AM
I haven’t researched the subject, but I’ll bet infidelity has been on the rise ever since women flooded the workforce in the 1970’s. It’s a perfect setting for forming intimate relationships. Where else can you spend such long hours together with members of the opposite sex?
And I’m not just referring to sexual infidelity. Emotional infidelity — as well as other inappropriate attachments among singles — can wreak havoc too. CareerBuilder.com calls them "work spouses," which are close platonic relationships with co-workers of opposite sex.
Here are some signs from CareerBuilder.com you should consider when examining your own behavior at work:
1. You depend on a particular co-worker for office supplies, snacks and aspirin.
2. There are inside jokes that you and a specific co-worker share.
3. You can be bluntly honest with this person about his or her appearance, hygiene or hair (and vice versa). You’re comfortable enough to point out that the other’s hair is sticking up — or that someone’s fly is down.
4. When something eventful happens at work, this co-worker is the first person you seek out for a de-briefing.
5. At breakfast, lunch and coffee breaks, your closest co-worker knows what to order for you and how you like your coffee (and vice versa).
6. You and your co-worker can finish each other’s sentences.
7. Someone in your office knows almost as much about your personal life as your best friend or real-life spouse does.
If you’re married, you should ensure you’re not singling out a member of the opposite sex with these types of intimacy. And if you’re single, you should be careful you’re not singling out a member of the opposite sex with whom you have no intention of pursuing.
I work alone in a home office–so I do not have any co-workers.
The lady, who is his work spouse, is recently divorced that’s what makes it so raw. Her new BF lives 1100 miles away.
We unfortunately have the same gym- I ran into her last night and she paid me a compliment- then asked where Robert was. She once made the mistake of telling me that eating out is not in her budget–I knew that Robert took her out for lunch so he said he paid- but would pay for any other employee. Where the problem is– is that they have no boundaries.
When we were at the Christmas party ( they are both executives- she is the only female exec.) I noticed he saught her out and left me alone. This is when I started to realize what is happening.
They laugh like school kids on the phone and I asked if anyone txted him and he said she did- but he said she texts everyone.
Ok I will begin to stop by his office which I never do because he is so busy. I will arrrange lunch. good idea.
Thanks I am going to try and stop thinking about this. I have been sick to my stomach for weeks because I don’t know what secrets he is telling her. In the past all his best friends at work have been men and that was so easy…Here is my wish Please Please Please somehow can their company make her an executive job offer where her BF lives…Please!
Thanks A jones– We just moved here 6 months ago to the great new position and promotion. We bought a house. He has to stay at that job. I see no way out of this. We have 14 years before we retire at 60. I wish I could suck it up but I am bursting - crying here every day in my office. ( am glad my boss cant see me) I need to keep my composure–we’re going to a retirement party for a co-worker Sunday evening at the Edison house restaurant. She will be there- I believe. It will take all my will power not to stab out her eyes with my butter knife. It’s good to have a goal. I have got to try to cheer up.
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Tags: appearance, aspirin, attachments, breakfast lunch, co worker, co workers, disaster, emotional infidelity, eventful, first person, havoc, hygiene, intimate relationships, jokes, office supplies, platonic relationships, sentences, sexual infidelity, snacks, workforce
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Firstly, I have been in a similiar situation, hence I completley understand what you are feeling.
In short, my husband worked with a girl who constantly flirted with him, did not correct cafe staff when they assumed they were boyfriend and girlfriend, her car constantly "broke" down so he would have to take her to and from work, and she played the "my boyfriend doesnt treat me right" card so that my husband felt sorry for her. I saw right through her, but was told I was being paranoid when I mentioned it to him. (I know details such as above as a relative also worked there)
She then started texting things like "i walked past your house last night, didnt know wether I should stop by" and general topics of the weekend etc.
I think it is highly innaproppriate to text, and as I didn’t want hubby to know I was snooping, just had to bare it
She invited him to a Christmas Party, but not myself or my relative, but I went anyway. There she and a female colleque had dressed up as Santa’s little helpers, the adult costume type, and was quite shocked to see me there. (Just my husband and another male staff member was invited - that was enough for me to prove my case)
I told my husband that I didn’t like her, and that I know he know’s she is flirting, and its unnacceptable as we are married. I shower him with enough affection that he shouldn’t feel desired by someone else’s advances.
It’s not being clingy or over protective. He is your husband, not hers. If it is killing you and making you anxious inside - he needs to stop talking to her.
This "work husband/wife" is nonsence. You go to work and get paid, that’s it. They can get along with everybody at work and at work functions without the need for further personal contact outside those times.
You may trust your husband, but you don’t have to trust the other person. Especially when she is probably making him feel sorry for her due to her divorce and partner living so far away. This is how affairs start.
Be straight up – say that you will be nice to her because she may be a nice person bla bla, but you have to put your foot down. Say that it really hurts you and you don’t want them speaking outside of work, no texts, no facebook/myspace etc. If he tells you to stop panicking, tell him that you can’t be bothered worried because you think she has the wrong intentions. He may say he doesn’t want to be mean, but that’s not yours or his problem. I would NEVER text a person of the opposite sex if I knew they had a partner.
If he doesn’t know how much it hurts you – he won’t think to back her off.
If all else fails – tell him you don’t want him working there!
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
We all have work wives or husbands…just ask your husband to start separating work from home a bit more. I find that if I don’t discuss my "work husband" at home - I have a happier husband in general…
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Make yourself known to her and make your presence felt in the office.
Stop by and take him to lunch. Talk to her and get to know her a bit. Invite her (and her SO) out with you and your husband to dinner.
She is filling a role in his life that you can’t fill. Don’t take it personally. It’s no more a direct threat to your relationship than any of his other relationships with family or friends. You don’t feel threatened by his mother or sister, do you?
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Tell the hubby today the line has been drawn in the sand. He puts a stop to this nonsense today or he’ll find his bags outside a locked front door when he comes home.
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
Yes - it’s called friendship.
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
i’m sure to make it easy you would blame the other person, but the matter of fact is it’s your husband who is letting this happen and it’s him who needs to put an end to it
ppl don’t just pursue and keep pursuing someone who’s not returning the attn. are you really concerned with their r/ship more than your own marriage. screw the b/tch, you do what you need to do in order to save your marriage, being so thoughtful of others will only leave you with regrets and "nothing"
February 20th, 2011 at 4:53 pm
It happens, I mean they spend so much time together, but it’s probably more like a brother sister thing. That’s the way all me work spouses have been in the past.