Should I leave my wife because she can no longer arouse me?
Here’s the deal:
I am 43 years old, my wife is 41, we have three kids. I am a work from home Dad(writer), and my wife is a Pharmacist who works for a major pharmaceutical sales firm (regional sales manager).
My father in law runs the publishing company that carries most of my work. Divorcing his daughter becaue she is fat probably woulnd’t sit well with him (he has been married for over 40 years to a fat woman). We have major contract renewals due 7 months from now which represent a major portion of my income.
About 5 years ago, when my wife started to get a little out of shape (now she is a lot out of shape) I started to lose my libido.Initially I didn’t tie my wife’s decreasing attraciveness to my loss of ibido. I assumed it was just a function of the aging process (ie.only a problem within me).
First I went to my doctor who was all too eager to declare that I had “Erectile Dysfunction” or E.D. and even more eager to start me viagra, then Cialis.
I tried them, and yes they make my “soldier stand at attention” well enough, but I still didn’t have the desire to be with this increasingly overweight and out of shape woman who is my wife.
After about 6 months trying our differnt natural remedies, phamaceuticals, chinese herbalist remedies etc. I decided to stop using any of them. These products certainly made me ABLE to perform but simply didn’t make me WANT to have sex with my wife.
I hired a new “personal assistant” who came highly recomended and she is well educated. Due to my schedule my assistant needs to accompany me most everywhere throughot my day when I am running errands, going to the gym etc. She is very attractive. I noticed I would get aroused simply by her proximity (smelling her perfue etc.).
SO a light went on in my head. I was misdiagnosed! I don’t have, nor did I ever have erectile dysfunction!
Well one thing led to another and I have been having an affair (of a sexual nature) with my personal assitant.
THe long and short of it is, I am not attracted to my wife, not because I don’t want to be, lord knows I’ve tried to be a good husband to her, I signed her up to the gym, arobics, yoga, hired a nutritional consultant to teach her to cook healthier, set the alarm for her to get up an hour earlier than the rest of the house so she can go running, bought a big dog for her to walk… ends up I have to walk the dog.
I think she likes being out of shape. I am simply not attracted to her anymore and I know that she forced me to have clandestine affairs through her unwillingness to change her unatractive body.
Because of her laziness, I have been forced to sneak around to have sex with women who are attractive. I kind of resent her for this. Of course, I know that most of you will say I am a lout for blaming her for my infidelity, but it’s true. I cannot lay the blame at anyone else’s feet.
Any advice?
Oh Sure, Blame me for my wife’s unwillingness to work on what ails our marriage……
GO watch some Alan Alda tapes….
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Tags: having an affair, sex with my wife
January 27th, 2011 at 4:55 pm
You have a lot of nerve calling another woman’s husband a "lout" because he lies and gets drunk. You are cheating on your wife, so yeah, you are the real lout. She didn’t force you into having an affair. Your attempts to gain sympathy are pathetic. You deserve all the blame you get. Maybe your wife does deserve some blame, but not for your mistakes; she should have taken better care of herself, but that does not excuse your adultery. It was completely and entirely your own choice. You are putting your own happiness before your sacred vows which were made before God. You and your wife have both made mistakes, but you can’t use her mistake to justify your mistake. You say that she "forced" you to sneak around and cheat on her? Well, maybe by putting all this pressure on her to lose weight, you forced her to get stressed out and gain more weight. No matter how much you try to make your mistake her fault, it will still be your fault, because you could have decided to put your vows first and not cheat. Other men do that, so you can, too. You will reap what you sow.
January 27th, 2011 at 4:55 pm
Are you serious?
Let’s see…
1) Your love for your wife is totally based on her physical appearance. It’s so shallow that you can’t see anything but what she looks like on the outside.
2) Your stated reason for sticking around is the money. (What about the kids?)
3) You are screwing around on your wife and blaming her for your lack of fidelity.
4) You are screwing someone who is in your employ.
How many more ethical/moral rules can you break?
Advice? Stop blaming other people for your behavior. Stop screwing around on the side. Figure out non-sexual ways to show your wife that you love her. Your feelings - and your arousal - will follow your actions towards her. While you hold her in disdain and fail to treat her with love you stand little chance of fixing what’s broken. In the process, you are working over your kids. Be the dad and husband your family needs you to be.
I’m sorry for the harsh words, but I think this case warrants them. Wake up and do the right thing!