Should I leave my husband, or does it seem like I am being too dramatic?
I am asking this question here because no one I know really understands the relationship we have so here goes:
We were married in October of 08, we had been dating/living together for about 2.5 years we constantly fight, sometimes it gets physical but mostly just screaming and throwing/breaking things. We don’t sleep in the same bed, he wont go to counseling but seems to think everything is ok with us. I keep trying to tell him it’s not that these are not good signs. I find myself very preoccupied with the thought of a co-worker who I have had a crush on for at least a year and I find myself pulling away from him more and more to the point where infidelity seems like an option for me since he doesn’t want to let this end, and I wouldn’t know where to begin. We don’t have children together just 3 dogs and a house but I have found myself not leaving because I am scared for my dogs and I get worried he won’t be able to afford the house (which he wont) and they will suffer because of it.. Any help/advice would be appreciated thanks!
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Tags: asking this question, breaking things, co worker, counseling, dogs, infidelity, relationship, signs, sleep
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
i really think u should end it unfortunately unless both of u make a true effort. also if u have feelings for someone else u should put them aside for a while and wait to see wat happens. hope everything ends well for u =]
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Well, infidelity will only make things worse, guaranteed. You think it’s bad now wait until your husband finds out you’re banging another man (and he will find out; they always do.)
I don’t think you’re being dramatic. If you are miserable and the only thing keeping you in your marriage is your dogs and fear of losing your home, then maybe it’s time to get divorced. How could your husband possibly think things are ok when you don’t even sleep together and fight constantly?
You deserve to be happy, but take the RIGHT steps to get there. Which means divorce, THEN find another man.
Good luck hun.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Take the dogs and go - but if you’re on the mortgage with him, get a lawyer first.
If you are in a relationship where physical violence occurs, you need to get out as soon as possible. It will only get worse.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
take your dogs and leave you deserve better.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Do you love your husband? If you do, go to him and ask him to go to counseling with you. Tell him you are not happy and unless things change between you two, you will leave. Put it to him bluntly. Don’t yell or scream, don’t be accusatory, don’t cry. Be calm and just tell him straight. It’s not going to be easy - it’s going to be incredibly hard, but you have to make changes in your life now or you will suffer needlessly. Talk to him, and then go from there.
But, on another note, you did mention things got physical. What do you mean by this? He should never, EVER put his hands on you, no matter how angry he gets. If he is abusing you in any way, I recommend you leaving him ASAP.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Yeah, just end it. Once you 2 started sleeping in different beds, the written was on the all. The co-worker thing doesn’t help matters, either.
And lol. You’re more worried about the dogs then your own husband? That’s ashame.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
you’re living a life of hell for HIS dogs?
wow - you are nuts.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Yes, you should leave him and take the dogs with you.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Why did you get married? All the indicators are there for a breakup. Your marriage is very dysfunctional. And you know you are headed on the way out because you have a thing for a co-worker. So now, its just a matter of time before you jump in bed with that other person. This marriage was never meant to work. Get out now.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Have you tried telling him all this? That you came to a point where you can’t take it anymore, that you’re only there because of the dogs? Maybe this will shake him up a bit. Don’t do anything with your coworker, you already have enough issues to work on, don’t add infidelity to them, you don’t need it. Sit down and talk to him, with all the honesty you had in your post.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Why in the heck did you get married? The last thing you should be thinking about is that co-worker. It seems that you are one of those ppl who cant help but to complicate their life. Solve this problem before you even think about creating another one with the co-worker or anyone else. You and your hubby need to come to a mutual agreement. The next argument you get into, stop and asks him what he wants from the marriage and what would help the two of you to be truly happy.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I think you should cut the physical fights out first thats a no no. At the very least you should both agree on that. Talk to him and find out what he wants. Does he want to be married? Does he want to make the effort? When he answers then you should answer those questions in front of him too. If you agree then you have the foundation to make a better quality of life for yourselves. If one of you dont agree then better you leave for a trial separation, at least you dont have kids depending on you that will suffer.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Maybe he thinks things are okay because he takes you for granted. Also, some people are "happy" living in turmoil. To, me if the arguing was physical once, I’d be gone. That can turn deadly as anger that is out of control is well, out of control. You never know when in a second it could become deadly physical.
That being said, I have two dogs and a cat. I wouldn’t leave my husband because we are good, but if we were not, those three fur balls would have me putting them first just like kids. I love them more than the majority of people in my life, so don’t feel bad about mentioning your concern for your dogs. I’d risk my life for all of my fur kids.
As for the co-worker feelings…..you know and I know that is no answer to the problem, in fact, it will just cloud it and complicate it.
At this point, I’d proceed to see if you can’t find a place for you and your fur kids- on your own or with family. Many places take dogs with a deposit. Maybe once he knows you will really leave,he will wake up and make an effort to work on your problems and be the man you fell in love with.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Seems like you have the answer to your problem. You want to move out right? So stop giving silly excuses for you not moving out. You simply are afraid of taking that step. Sometimes changes in life are needed , and the human being is always afraid of it. Let me tell you something your life will improve if you move out of this relationship, what makes you think it won’t????? Domestic violence from either side is NOT part of a healthy relationship. Move now before kids come. About the other guy … you don’t start a relationship when you are not done with the one you have. You are just craving now for some good attention. Infidelity is not an option will only make things worse. Move on ….
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Find the dogs good homes and leave.Quit using them as excuses the truth is you want your cake and eat it too,and It will go badly.so if you really care about the dogs give them a good stable home because what you are describing is not good or stable not for you or the dogs or God forbid a innocent child that stumbles into this and has a right to good parents and a life.I am trying to be nice but stop playing house it is time to grow up pulling a co worker into that mess is selfish and WRONG,get out then date.As far as the house give him time to get a roommate to help pay.Or have a good lawyer kick him out and you get a roomate.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Sleeping with someone else is NEVER going to help. I never condone ultimatums but tell him one last time that if he won’t get help with you you’re going to leave. And if he doesn’t listen then leave.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I don’t think YOU even understand the relationship that you have and stop trying to put it all on him (he thinks everything is ok,,,, He doesnt want this to end) If YOU!!! don’t like the way you live with your husband than leave!. Stop trying to find a reason that will excuse ADULTERY!! have some dignity and get a divorce first.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
I love how when you people are getting ready to cheat, you try and justify it first! LOL. No dear, if you are having problems, it’s because you have a wondering eye and really want to go to the co-worker, so you are trying to make it where you feel okay about cheating. See, you make things worse intentionally, not to say part of it isn’t his fault, but you aren’t making a big enough effort to make this better by any means, whether you are aware of it or not, that is the truth. I’m not sure what to tell you, I doubt your crush at work will ever go away at this point. Your true perception of your marriage is clouded right now by your crush, just be sure before you end it, that you really want to end it because you know what they say "the grass is never greener on the other side." However, I do think your fights are way out of hand and getting physical is never good, but they way it sounds, you are part of that physical part too.
March 24th, 2011 at 5:07 pm
Seem to me that you already made your mind up and it is time for you to divorce and move on because you are wasting each others time. Marriage takes work and you and him are not working together on this it is time to call it quits