Should I keep my opinion to myself abot my best friends husband?
My best friend and I have been best friends since 10th grade! We both married our high school sweethearts and live within 15 miles of each other and talk on the phone everyday. We share our feelings about everything! Good or bad. We love each other and have never been at odds over anything…until now. Her husband has been displaying signs of infidelity and I can plainly see it. However, when I question her or dog on him she clams up and makes excuses for him. I feel like she is in denial,but do not want her to resent me for "breaking up their marriage. They have 3 children and have been married 12 years. I dont want to see them get divorced but, he is starting to verbally and emotionally abuse her. and whats worse, I see it affecting the kids. I have even thought about taking pictures to incriminate him so she will see how badly hes been treating her and lying to her about where he is going. Should I leave it alone or keep pushing the issue?
My husband has offered to follow him for her, but she thinks there is no need. If her husband has done anything to be ashamed of he hasnt told my husband. We both think he is. I am worried about my friend. She is loosing her sweet spirit. Lately she has been bitter and short with her kids and never has time to herself. She needs boosting up. I try but her buthole husband just makes her stay with the kids all the time while he goes out at night and "hunts arrowheads til’ four in the morning??!!! Any of you men out there ever heard that one? or is that a legitimate reason for being out all night?
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Tags: 10th grade, arrowheads, best friend, best friends, clams, denial, feelings, high school sweethearts, legitimate reason, marriage, odds, signs of infidelity, sweet spirit
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Please think about this… If you truly respect your friend, you will allow her the dignity of making her own mistakes. You’ve said what you wanted to say and she’s let you know that she’s not interested in your opinion. Take the hint and back off.
If you really think about it, your position could be seen as arrogant. You are the self appointed committee of one who has decided to intervene in your friend’s marriage. This is not cool. Please stop doing it.
If you’re right, your friend might very likely leave her husband. So she will lose her husband and perhaps you at the same time. You could get blamed for her situation — it happens. Back off.
You’ve made your share of mistakes. Let your friend make hers. If you have any respect for your friend, you will realize that she is capable of making her own decisions and she is capable of living with her decisions and she is capable of fixing her mistakes. Let her live her life.
Be there for her and be a friend to her. Don’t try to tell her what she should do or how she should interpret things. If you really care, then take it easy and just be her friend. Be a good listener.
Good luck to you and your friend.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
it sounds like you are stalking him.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
No. Get what you have to say off your chest. Short term consiquences aren’t gonna be very good, but you have to look long term. You’ll be better off.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
sometimes you can’t help those who don’t want to be helped. You need to make her realize that the kids are being hurt. maybe organize an intervention with more of her friends/family.. maybe she’ll listen to a group.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Just let her know that you’ll be there if she ever needs to talk.
Please don’t push the issue.
Support her, encourage her, do fun stuff with the kids.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I think since it has gone far enough to physical abuse as well as emotional. You should do whatever it takes to get her to realize and stopt the harm thatss being done to the kids. Your a good friend!
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
do something about it . just dont let it continue . it will mentall y affect the kids .
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
If you continue to press her you may end up wrecking the friendship. She will find out on her own and will need a friend there when she does.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Don;t leave it alone or push it, simply have a good chat with her. Tell her how much you love her and the kids. Explain to her you are not trying to cause problems but you need to get something off your chest and get her opinion on it. get it out in the open and see what her opinion on it is.
You have been friends a long time, she should be thankful to have someone that loves her and cares about her as much as you do.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
It’s her life, maybe she wants you to back off.
When she needs you she’ll let you know.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Stay out of it, it’s her problem not yours. Just be there for her when she finds out. She will hate you if you force it.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
push the issue and push it hard. you may lose a friend over it, but it’s better than her losing her life.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I know these things can bother the crap out of a person. But you must know all the facts first. If you can provide proof beyond a doubt like pictures then go for it. If not mind your own business. There are always two sides of every story. Call that show Cheaters if it is still going. Could be interesting!
Good Luck and Merry Christmas!
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I would just be there and say this too shall pass. She will come around some day and she will need you. Ask her what she thinks. Tell her why you think you do. I would hate to have to put suspiscious thoughts into someone’s head, but, she’s your friend. Tell her you love her, care about her and her family, the last thing you want to see is a divorce, but you don’t want her to be hurt emotionally or physically. Maybe try to get friend together and try to intervene. Sometimes hearing it from a group of friends makes it seem more unbiased, but in turn, it could feel like she’s being backed into a corner. You could take pictures, and show them, but she may also feel resentment, and you would have to deal with that and wait. Do what you’re willing to put up with.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
The best thing to do is stay out of it…she has to see it for herself and trust me sooner or later what he is doing in the dark will come to the light..In the mean time..be her frined and be ready when the s**t hits the fan to be there to support her.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
STOP ! butt out
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Sometimes trying to be helpful can come back on you. Your friend may resent your interference regardless of your motivation. If you have absolute proof that her husband is cheating you could show it to her and be there to support her should she need you but like I said, she might take the truth of the matter out on you. Eventually she will get over the hurt and humiliation and become close to you again but there will be a caution there and she may envy your marriage so be ready for that to.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
i think you should wait ,give your friend her space,there might be things behind the scenes that you dont know about,and if your really her friend you will only come into the picture if she needs you….until she asks for your opinion on her marriage,mind your own husband……divorce shouldnt even be considered…..and yes you might breakup a family
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
You should talk to them about counseling. You should tell them both some names of marriage counselors, in their area. Maybe you should even remind them of their original marriage vows, and should help them problem solve. If the husband continues or worsens his abuse, talk about shelters in the area for women and their families, and have the authorities consulted. Do not take any photos, as this is unnecessary, and getting caught could ruin a relationship between you and your friend. Help her realize about her husband by talking to her. If they need time alone, offer to take in her kids, and let them have a "Weekend Retreat."
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
your fear is a valid one.
the answer depends on how well u know ur friend to respond to issues.
its only you that would know.
i have 2 best friends. if i tell one that his wife is unfaithful, he wud watch the signs and not blame me. in fact he wud thank me.
the other best friend loves d lady to nonsense, so he wud start avoiding me… or if he sees its true, he wud get so heartbroken.
so you decide. i wud advice u to thread softly.
u r not God. u cant change the consequences. show her the signs, but dont anounce the obvious. and b ready to settle disputes and fights when they start… and make sure you are not to blame.
Love is the key here. love both the man and the wife, but hate the man;s dirty actions.
ur friend knows whats goin on.
stop.. she wud see it 4 herself later on.
just offer 4 her to come to ur house.
try not to discuss it. b nice 4 her and her kids, remind her in secret, wn d kids r not there that she is ventin on them, so she shud stop and contain her anger.
u cant stop the flow…ive seen men do bad tins.
just b a good friend.
she knows whats goin on. when it gets REAL bad, if hter is physical abuse, call d cops
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
You need to say your piece and she needs to listen. Explain that you want to get something off your chest and tell her all the misgivings you have about saying anything. Then say what you have to say. If your friendship is as open as you claim, she will know that you only have her best interests at heart.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Dont tell your friend
This way you will be able to save her tension and misunderstanding at her home.
Tell her husband (that you will tell your friend)
This way you will block any forward movement of him
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
You have stated your opinion and she is aware of it. If you value your relationship, back off. The only thing you can do now is be prepared to be there for her if/ when the marriage collapses! Anything more could make her resent you.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I think unless she tells you or asks you to help, you must not get involved.
sometime if husband is irritating or abusing his wife, but she bears it,and does not air dirty laundry, her husband begins to respect her patience and tolerance. and he apologises. and makes up with wife.
so stay away…your friend must be working to control the situation..if she failed, she will sure tell you first.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
i think you should stay out of it. shes hurting bad enough already as it is. shes an adult and can make her own decisions. if it were my friend it would bother me too but. its her business, if she asks for your opinion then give it. other than that just listen.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
sounds like you are stalking him by law that is a feloney. my opion?
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
If she is your friend the only thing that you can do is listen to her and be by her side if you have talked to her about the situation and she makes light about it leave it along. You can talk until you’re blue in the face but once the shit hits the fan you just tell her I told you so. Be a friend and lend a shoulder to cry on or a ear to listen just don’t constantly throw it in her face.
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
You will probably get answers telling you to mind your own business, BUT this is ‘not’ one of them.
Take pictures!!
Get any/all evidence you can on this jerk and show it to her.
And as hard as this might be for you, you have got to stop talking to her every day, and let her call you ‘every’ time.
Simply tell her she isn’t being fair by ignoring your concerns about her marriage, considering you have proof that he is unfaithful. NO NO NO, do not leave it alone, thats the biggest problem with society today, nobody wants to get involved.
If more people ‘would’ have gotten involved in a lot of abuse cases just think how many women could have been helped/
saved from such terrible men.
I know how it feels to be cheated on, and beaten black and blue.
No one came to my rescue, but i was smart enough to get away.
Do whatever you can to help your friend, but you must use some
‘tough love’ too.
The children are always vitims of spousal abuse, and if nothing else do this for them..
March 25th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Your priority is your friend, try to make her understand that you are giving her serious advice for what you beieve to be her best. You may have a problem with your relationship with her for a while, but when she has had time to digest the information she will see where your comming from. Remember, how will you feel in a few years time if she turns round to you and asks "How could you let me? Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you make me understand?" In a few years time it will be too late. Be there for your friend, she has a really difficult time ahead of her.