ON MARITAL INFIDELITY?
A wife admitted that she had an affair. She says though that the affair is over. What do you think would be the top 5 signs that the affair is over though she works with the lover in the same building
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Tags: signs
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
It will be difficult for you to trust her, with her being in contact with this other man still. Can she look for another job?
She needs to commit to ending all contact with this other man. No further ‘friendship’. No personal communication. No phone calls, texts, IM, lunches,,,etc! If she has to do business with him, then she will not be alone with him.
Ask her to be completely open with you. Let you know if she had contact at work or if he calls her. Don’t punish her if she does tell you something happened that she had no control over, like the other man called her. What is important is how she handles it and the fact that she is honest with you.
She needs to make the effort to rebuild the trust she damaged. Ask her to share her email, voice mail, cell records etc with you. You can offer the same to her. If she has nothing to hide, she should not object. To help rebuild, she needs to be accountable for her time and schedule.
Her affair required secrets and deception. She needs to do what is necessary to rebuild that damage.
Seek professional help. A counselor certified in couples counseling and experienced with infidelity. You may have to try more than one to find a good one. There is no quick fix, recovery takes time and lots of effort from both spouses.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
She’s lying. It’s not over. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Well, are you seeing her more often? Does she call you more often? I think you know in your heart if it’s still going on…
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Well, the # 1 sign is that she admitted to the affair. Why would she admit to it if it wasnt over yet? If she was still able to get away with it, why would she confess to something she still planned on doing, she would just make things harder on herself. See what I mean.
But, if she didn’t confess and was busted, then theres really no way to know except following, checking up, calling, maybe even having to talk to the other man.
And I also believe once a cheater always a cheater. I can say that because I am a cheater. I always have been a cheater, maybe not in 1 year or 5 years or maybe even not in 10 years but one day she will commit some sort of cheating again.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
1. She quits her job!
2. She keeps her job but dresses "down" more for work now
3. She gains some weight
4. Not showering everyday
5. No overtime.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
There was a pretty good post a little while ago that was like the four stages of cheating ( when women do it) maybe you should read it, it may offer some insight to you it was titled something like
for all the men in a marriage "I dont love you anymore"
My wife did it and kept on doing it and lied thru her teeth over and over and over. but only you know what is going on in your relationship
I would also be willing to go out on a limb and tell you that you know 10% of your wifes affair. Shes gonna tell you as little about it as she can because she doesnt want you to know what she really is capable of. She’ll tell herself that she cant tell you because she doesnt want to hurt you, but if that were so would she have had the affair in the first place? And now that you know, what the hell could be more hurtful? .. now that I think about it though, the details are like rubbing salt in the wound, so you probably dont want to know.
Being in the same building is probably not a good thing, but she probably will find a different guy for the next fling anyway. In my experience you should go ahead and save yourself the heart ache of patching it up and go your seperate ways now, because its going to happen again. Its just a question of when. I cant say for sure, but it took 3 affairs for me to wise up, and one of them I didnt know about til after the divorce. I wish now i would have just ended it after the first time, but then again, I wouldnt know what it feels like to be totally humiliated and have your feelings crushed into dust if I had.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
I am a wife who cheated, I told my husband about it so he wouldn’t find out from someone else. I am still with my husband because he forgave me (I know that was very hard to do). I just thought you should hear from the other side since reading all of these comments. I was straight out lying to my husband during the affair. I think the best way to tell if the affair really is over is to take her on a date and see if she shows you the same love and respect as before the affair.
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Well if the cheated on man could deal with her after she mistreated him then, she’d probably try extra hard to make it up to you to earn your trust back. She’d be eager to please you, be attentative to you and your needs. You would see her more often, she’d call when she has spare time at work to let you know shes changing, she wouldnt spend time with the lover. The biggest sign that shows a change I would say would be cutting off all the ties she had to the lover and making an effort to re-build your trust if you would allow it.
!
Hope I helped you out,
March 5th, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Eduard, Your trust and working on the marriage is ongoing. I do not believe once a cheater , always a cheater.Is it possible she can get another job? Is she more attentive to you?Does she seem like someone who is trying to make it up to you?Are you two gettingalone time together? Are you constantly fighting over the infidelity?Have you two agreed to seek marriage counseling. I feel for your pain.I hope it works out the way you hope for.