My wife opened a personal checking account without my knowledge, Is this a red flag?
My wife has opened an account that she has started to deposit all the money that she earns. We have a joint account that we both have access to, why isn’t she using that account? Is this a sign of infidelity? She also has access to all my e-mail but doesn’t allow me in hers. Is she hiding something? Should I be concerned?
She never told me about opening the account, I saw the statement next to her computer.
I also asked her if she had opened any checking accounts and she denied it.
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Tags: checking accounts, e mail, infidelity, joint account, money
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Yes. You should be concerned. Here’s why.
In a marriage, my thoughts are that the two people should share their financial information together. It’s not necessarily wrong that she opened her own account on her own, but the fact that she kept that information away from you is secretive, and oftentimes secrets lead to lies to cover up the secrets, which of course leads to more secrets and lies.
Consider the reasons she opened up her own account. Do you think maybe she has a habit of spending more money that you do? Does she spend more money on one thing and maybe you spend money on another? She might have created her own separate account to avoid spending your money on certain things, like clothes and other shopping things that possibly might make you upset if you saw in your joint account that she spent that much money.
If she has access to your e-mail but she doesn’t allow you in hers, then yeah, that’s a bad sign. I would most willingly let my b/f of years into *all* of my accounts and he could read every single one of my emails if he wanted to. Well, I guess I do have a friend that e-mails me her private thoughts and situations and that I would not want him to read just for the sake of keeping my friend’s trust, she trusts me that I am the only one reading her thoughts and I am not sharing it with anyone else, so maybe consider that too.
So I guess I can’t say either way, but she should have at least told you that she opened that account and why, whether it be to spend her own money on things you wouldn’t normally spend on or whatever else the case may be. She might have private e-mails from friends that she keeps confidential from others to keep their trust, but she might also be looking on the internet at things she shouldn’t be.
Trust your instincts. Look for signs of odd behavior, like if you ask her questions of where she was during the day, take notice of how she acts. If she fidgits a lot with her face or hair while talking, or blinks her eyes a lot when she is talking to you, well the eye-blinking is a sure sign of nervousness, and/or lying. It’s a psychological thing that people blink a lot when they are nervous or telling lies.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
You know she opened the account, and you know she has her own email-it almost sounds like the poor woman wants some privacy!
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
she may be hiding some extra funds. i would be conserned because it’s no big thing to say oh yea I want to open a seperate acct. before she does it. just be on the look out
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
yeah why wouldn’t she tell you you guys are married what would she have to hide from you her hubby lover and best friend you know her best confront her in away that wont cause a big fight
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Ask her.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
It sounds like the sort of thing I would do if I were getting ready to leave you.
You need to have a serious talk with her. Good luck.
Or she might be trying to plan a vacation surprise for you without you knowing, hard to say. I would still ask.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
It’s def. a red flag in my opinion. Married people just dont do that, they share everything, including the income and how it is spent/saved.
You need to talk to her about it asap.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Yes I would be concerned, to hide anything from your spouse is a sign that something is up and not right. And to not allow access to her email obviously means that there is something in it that she doesn’t want you to see…I totally agree that both people need privacy and need to be trusted, but that can only go so far. When she is hiding all her money and email, then something is not right.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Only you would know the status of your marriage and whether this is a red flag or not. Why not just sit down with her and talk to her about it?
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Dump her a^# !!
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Yeah something is up, my wife does the same thing. She always checks my email but I can’t have access to hers. She won’t even let me in her ebay account to buy shit. I don’t know man don’t be too suprised by anyhting.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
YYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Same thing happenned to me in my first marriage when my spouse developed a drug habit. took me years making d*mn good money to recover my losses.
DONT IGNORE THE SIGNS THAT ARE STARING YOU IN THE FACE. GET PROFESSIONAL FINANCIAL COUNSELING IMMEDIATELY OR YOU WILL BE RUINED !!
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
sorry dude but the marriage is coming to an end. she is stock up on money to get ready to leave you. change your email password. let her know you can play the same game. good luck. hope I’m wrong about it ending but i have see it before.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Bob start your own checking account with her on it as pay on death only. The bank will know what I mean. Take your money out of the joint and just leave enough in there to keep it open, like 10 bucks. Start a new email account and don’t tell her the password. do this right now. if everythings ok it’s no problem if not your protected also round up the checkbooks for the joint account and hide or destroy them, if shes only using her own account she wont even notice.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
oh yes! there are problems.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
My husband and I have had seperate checking/savings accounts since we were married. However, it is something we decided on. If she was hiding that from you and you did not find out from her, then I would say she is planning to leave you. On a personal level, are you jealous or violent? I have a friend that wants to leave her husband, but he wont let her because of their son. So, she has secretly started her own checking account to put money back to leave him and move somewhere that he is unfamiliar with. Is she afraid of you? It is definantly a BIG RED FLAG when a woman suddenly goes behind your back and hides her financial state. She’s planning on leaving without telling you sweetie. Sorry, but it’s true. I think she’s scared to tell you. Sounds like she doesn’t want you to know until she’s just gone. One more thing……does she take prescription drugs? Many online sites sell narcotics and other pills online with a credit/debit card. Look on her statement and see if a $150.00-$250.00 debit came out of the account with a strange debitor. That would also be a reason to hide her email from you. Have you seen a FEDEX truck or UPS truck at your house?
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Well in all fairness she does need to be independant. To many women get screwed over by leaving everthing in their husbands hands. You should just ask her why? A marrage should be open and honest. If you don’t have honesty what do you have? So be open tell her you happened to see the statement and you were just wondering about it. If she freaks out then you have something to be concerned about.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
i don’t think its a red flag at all. as far as I’m concerned its a smart move.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
I do feel like you should be concerned, but no necessarity because of infidelity. This may simply just be a sign that your wife might be aiming towards separation. I did the exact same thing with my spouse and my intentions were that I wanted to separate. The sad part was that I was not cheating on him but these were his first assumptions. I also did not give him access to my email account because I was consulting with lawyers who were emailing me information on how to get a "legal separation". But hopefully this is not the case with your wife, the point is… just because things seem awkward, dont assume its another man… it may really just be you. Good luck honey.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
Well, it was one of the first things I did after I told my wife I wanted a divorce. I opened my own account and had my check direct deposited into it.
I would be worried. Maybe talk to a co-worker of hers or maybe a friend and see if they could help you out with some answers.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
maybe she is trying to save money.. if you dont know about it you can’t spend it.
January 12th, 2010 at 4:58 pm
better talk to an attorney he can advise you of your legal rights also don’t make any more large purchases with her until you really know what’s going on , sorry honey sound like you’re about to get kicked in the furry ones. Duck, weave, protect your self!