My fiance says he is unhappy with us?
I met my fiance in June of last year. I intantly felt a connection with him-he was charming, funny, caring, he had a business that he was very proud of, nice body and everything going for him. He was a bit cocky and mena to people, but I thought I could change that. We dated until Nov when he proposed and next thing you know we moved in together. I am 28 yrs old have dated quite a bit and felt that I knew for sure that he was the one I wanted to be with. Before we got engaged, he had done few things to me that should of been signs of his infidelity and confusion as to what he wanted in life (such as gone out on a date with my friend that he didn’t know was my friend) But I forgave him everything and moved on. Before we moved in together, he INSISTED we do it as fast as possible because he couldn’t take me caring my clothes to his house every day and having no place we call our own (saying he hates seeing me unhappy/that’s when we engaged too) As soon as we moved in together things started going down-hill. He short-saled one of his homes, had another one go into foreclosure, got sued and owes hundreds and hundreds of thousands to everyone. I have been supportive to him all along, saying things will get better, planning get-aways and vacations and all of that. In return, I got nothing-I can never talk about my job or complain about anything-he gives me no support. Instead, when I break down emotionaly he tells me I am so emotional and cry all the time and to stop. I cook as much as I can, clean and do laundry all the time. He is European and so am I, but he just recently told me that he expects his woman to cook him breakfast and dinner every day and he will just sit and watch TV. Everything is ALWAYS about him. I don’t take care of myself anymore and have no time cuase I always feel like I have to rush home after work and cook and be there. This past week I finally went to visit my girlfirend that was leaving the state for few months and we went shopping, dinner and I stayed over for 2 days. We had such a good time! I haven’t done that since I’ve met him ( we always do things together) He seemed fine with it when I talk to him, but when I got home he freaked out at me-saying how I left him by himself, how he is unhappy with us, how I should move out, my God he totaly shocked me! I thought everything was fine-granted we fought here and there but nothing like this. We even got in a physical fight and he hit me accross the head 3 times with his sweatshirt (my head still feels sore) Now, I feel stuck-he thinks that we are fine-it was just words he spoke without meaning and out of anger, but I am not sure that I want to put up with this. I have always been a person with dignity, self-respect and have always been treated like gold by men. I feel like he took my happiness away and is trying to mold me into someone I am not. We have signed a lease in March for a year in a complex and I don’t know what to do. Please Help!
Mail this post
Tags: clothes, confusion, fiance, foreclosure, girlfirend, hundreds of thousands, infidelity, job, laundry, nice body, saying things, shopping, signs, vacations
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
I would leave him if I were you. He doesn’t respect you at all.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
hahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaa, sucks to be you, yeah totally leave his ass because he’s a dick wad, believe me, i know about dick wads so good luck skankzoid
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
Move out, move on, learn from this and don’t let yourself be rushed into anything again.
What a jerk.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
Don’t back out now. I thought women loved a difficult challenge? I guess not.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
Better that he admits his unhappiness before you get married than afterwards.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
You seriously dont know what to do? You leave! Goodness, get out of there. He is worthless and you are being his doormat. Get out now.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
Well first of all, the violence, a definite no no. This is just the beginning. You allowed him to get away with this so do you honestly think that eventually it will not turn into slaps in the face, punches in the face, kicks, pushes etc? It will happen. I have been there, they started off as little as throwing a pair of shorts at me then it turned into full fledge beatings. I mean how disrespectful is that. I know what you feel because I cant believe it myself, that feeling that you get, that utmost disrespect of when a man puts his hands on you. Second, you forgave him after he went on a date with your best friend? I mean that shoud have showed you right there that this man is not ready to get married let alone be in a relationship. Reading this, reminds me of myself. I had a man like this. I was so beautiful and I let myself go because everytime I got dressed and looked like I normally did, he would get angry and think that I was cheating or going out to look for a man. He demanded me to cook, clean, do laundry, iron, just basically tend to his every need and at first I did it because I thought thats what a woman is supposed to do, but eventually it became something that he expected and he quit his job and then depended on me to work, pay bills and cater to his every need and want. He refused to do anythign but sit and watch tv. It was disgusting and I thoguht I had no way out. We had also signed a lease and I left. I left him with the bills and responsibility of the home because I realized that this is not me. He is trying to turn me into something im nt because he knows that I can do better then him and he is trying to bring me down because he was unhappy with him life and after I realized this, I left him. He begged me to come back to him and I didnt. After he changed and got it together, I gave him another chance. 6years later, we are married with kids and he is not like that naymore. You have to give him an ultimatium, get it together or your gone and leave You swill see how much you mean to him at that point because he will either say screw you or change for you.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
You sound unhappy. You admit that he is molding you into something you are not. It’s best to leave him before it’s too late.
I am pretty sure he wanted you to move in ASAP so that he can have a maid, not a wife. He wants a wife who will do everything. A typical 50s wife and he can be the typical 50s husband. Do you really want that kind of marriage? Cook, clean, bath him, put out his clothes, make his lunches, hand him a beer as his watches tv and your slaving with the household chores and kids.
You sound like a woman who doesn’t want that life. He sounds like a man who wants that. You will not be able to change him. He is who he is and you are who you are. However, because you love him, you have changed for him. You are doing what he wants. He is controlling you and you are obeying. IMO, from the sounds of it, he doesn’t care for your well being. He is using you and he will continue to use you until you put a stop to it.
IMO, it was too early to get engaged and move in together. That all happen in less then a year of knowing each other. He says he is unhappy, because you left him to have fun. He doesn’t want you to have fun. He wants you home, doing all the household work, home to take care of him. He can take care of himself, he chooses not too and if he can get a woman to do it, then he will. I don’t think he loves you.
He uses, abuses, and controls you too much to love and respect you.
I think it’s time to move out and dump him. It’s time to get your life back.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
well you should definetly leave cuz all he is doing is mentally fucking your mind.. but you did make the first mistake—you thought you could change him– hun you cant change nobody but yourself, why would you get in a relationship with a conceited asshole and say "well i think i have this undoubtful power to change him into my prince charming" yea okay you fucking crazy.. you couldnt possibly be in love with this man its a figment of your imagination of wishing he was good enough when he isnt he is a stuck up, superficial, fucking prick and you need to leave now before it is too late.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
Wouldn’t it be nice if we all had a crystal ball we could just look at and immediately know what to do? Well, we don’t and we can’t. As long as he is unhappy he is going to make you unhappy. Talk to your apartment manager and find out what you need to get out of your part of the lease. Move out and Move on. Good Luck.
October 3rd, 2010 at 7:20 am
You listed a lot of reasons to leave / go.
You have very little to stay / put up with his garbage treatment.