Is this a justifiable grounds for divorce?
Here’s the deal:
I am 43 years old, my wife is 41, we have three kids. I am a work from home Dad(writer), and my wife is a Pharmacist who works for a major pharmaceutical sales firm (regional sales manager).
My father in law runs the publishing company that carries most of my work. Divorcing his daughter becaue she is fat probably woulnd’t sit well with him (he has been married for over 40 years to a fat woman). We have major contract renewals due 7 months from now which represent a major portion of my income.
About 5 years ago, when my wife started to get a little out of shape (now she is a lot out of shape) I started to lose my libido.Initially I didn’t tie my wife’s decreasing attraciveness to my loss of ibido. I assumed it was just a function of the aging process (ie.only a problem within me).
First I went to my doctor who was all too eager to declare that I had "Erectile Dysfunction" or E.D. and even more eager to start me taking viagra, then Cialis.
I tried them, and yes they make my "soldier stand at attention" well enough, but I still didn’t have the desire to be with this increasingly overweight and out of shape woman who is my wife.
After about 6 months trying our differnt natural remedies, phamaceuticals, chinese herbalist remedies etc. I decided to stop using any of them. These products certainly made me ABLE to perform but simply didn’t make me WANT to have sex with my wife.
I hired a new "personal assistant" who came highly recommended and she is well educated. Due to my schedule my assistant needs to accompany me most everywhere throughot my day when I am running errands, going to the gym etc. She is very attractive. I noticed I would get aroused simply by her proximity (smelling her perfume etc.).
SO a light went on in my head. I was misdiagnosed! I don’t have, nor did I ever have erectile dysfunction!
Well one thing led to another and I have been having an affair (of a sexual nature) with my personal assitant.
THe long and short of it is, I am not attracted to my wife, not because I don’t want to be, lord knows I’ve tried to be a good husband to her, I signed her up to the gym, arobics, yoga, hired a nutritional consultant to teach her to cook healthier, set the alarm for her to get up an hour earlier than the rest of the house so she can go running, bought a big dog for her to walk… ends up I have to walk the dog.
I think she likes being out of shape. I am simply not attracted to her anymore and I know that she forced me to have clandestine affairs through her unwillingness to change her unatractive body.
Because of her laziness, I have been forced to sneak around to have sex with women who are attractive. I kind of resent her for this. Of course, I know that most of you will say I am a lout for blaming her for my infidelity, but it’s true, she is to blame. I cannot lay the blame at anyone else’s feet.I did’t want to do this, but neither do I desire to be with an out of shape woman wh isn’t attractive when I know for an absolute certainty that I don’t have to.
Any advice?
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Tags: 7 months, aging process, cialis, contract renewals, doctor who, having an affair, home dad, libido, natural remedies, perfume, personal assitant, pharmaceutical sales, pharmacist, proximity, publishing company, regional sales manager, sex with my wife, sexual nature, soldier, three kids
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
What more advice do you need a$$hole!! You make me sick!! I cannot believe the woman who would shack up with your cheating a$$!
Get help and divorce your wife b/c she doesn’t deserve a man like you!! You are a sorry piece of excuse for a man!
And oh yea, you are a writer you make your story juicy, so you can look good! You are a cheater b/c you are a sick inconsiderate bastard DOG!! Low dow dirty hoe!
You make me sick!!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
People that have affairs ALWAYS blames the other spouse. You chose to have an affair and would have done so, no matter what your wife did or didn’t do.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Well, if she hasn’t caught you cheating yet, then maybe you could carry on with this indefinately.
You also may want to try taking nude pictures of the girls (without their faces showing of course) that you’re screwing around with.
Then just to "spice things up" get your wife to allow you to take some nude pictures of her some night.
Then one day sit your wife down, show her the pictures of herself, then hand her the pictures of the other girls that you’ve been screwing.
Tell her that you’ve been screwing these girls and your wife should realize that you haven’t been screwing her.
Then ask her if she can see a difference between her and the girls you’ve been screwing.
Either she’ll divorce you (which should make things easier on you) or she’ll get her act together. Either way, it’s a Win-Win situation for you!
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October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Stop blaming her for your crap….this is the biggest blow hard bunch of paragraphs I have EVER read! You are a poor excuse for a husband and partner.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
1) you do not need justification for divorce… those ideas ended generations ago.
2) the stick you father-in-law holds over your head (the job) is a lousy reason to stay.
3) Is there any love?
4) Do you have children in the home?
5)In the end it always comes down to, as Dear Abby would say, "would you be better off with her, or without her?
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Find a good counselor who will tell you the truth about yourself.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
hell yes it is:)
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I think it is best to just continue with what your doing. Just keep up the smile when your at home and save the erection for you mistress.
Good luck.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
are you sure your profession is a writer, hehe.
Good luck… I would say to be honest about the situation because you did mention you had children and you don’t want them to get the wrong impression of you!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
People may have a lot to say in response to your question, but ultimately it sounds like you’ve made a decision.
Beds already been made, and you’ve been lying it - now its just time to let everybody else know
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Have you ever thought of getting involved in these activities you want your lovely wife to do? Her self esteem must be horrible having to deal with you. You seem to be very self centered. If she knew you were cheating on her with your "assistant" Im sure she would go file the papers for you. Just tell her so that way she knows that she isnt good enough for you. You married her for better or worse, richer or poorer. You sound like a guy that lives off of the big EGO!! Just leave your wife. You will be doing her a favor!!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
She has infidelity as her grounds to divorce you, and she should.
She did not force you to do anything. You chose to have this affair. The blame for this lies squarely at your feet. You’re just avoiding taking responsibility for your actions. I’m sure that you are not the same person you were 5 years ago either. From what you’ve written here, she may have gained weight, but you have become shallow and uncaring.
You purchased things for her, but have you ever lovingly encouraged her? Is she depressed or does she have health problems? Perhaps your lack of interest and callous treatment of her has a lot to do with it.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Your wife is clearly to blame for the demise of the marriage; I can certainly relate, as my ex-wife went the same route. I was thinking that her tremendous weight gain was caused by pregnancy, but became suspicious when she carried what I could only assume to be octuplets for over three years. I finally confronted her one day and said "You never are going to give birth to those octuplets, are you?" She was silent for a moment, and then quietly said "No."
I filed divorce papers the next week.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Dude! You are not FORCED to do anything. You’ve consciously made a choice to do something wrong. Perhaps you and your wife need to get some counseling.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Well i think you should tell her to loose some weight because your unhappy about it, if you din’t tell her before, then she might think you din’t care, and then she thought it doesn’t matter if i exercise or not, so try to talk to her about it, but try not to hurt her feelings in the same way, but it’s better that you do that then cheating with other women
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Oh puh-LEASE!
You’re lying to yourself, your wife and your GF.
Like you would take the advice of strangers. You’re either bragging or full of BS.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Well first bud i know you are going to get all of of flack for this and its fine. But if you find in your marriage your just not getting your solder to salute any more with her it may be time to move on. I know it inatally sounds bad your getting a divorce because she has devoloped from your discription a heap of extra curves. but really you have been faithful it seems like you keep feeling like you need to be with her because you are married and you should stay with her and be faithful. But really it hink in your heart no matter how you spinn it you love her and always will but you lost your desire for her, that kinda shows you have been over her staying because of kids is your only reason. You need to think of your self in this as well. Talk to her and say that you have been working to keep it going but you feel like things have changed and you no longer are attractive to her you tried every thing but you still can’t be attracted to her. Also admit to cheating if you feel obligated, Go and talk to her father if he gets upset because of the divorce then you don’t need him. But its time you thought baout your happyness and take your self some where you are happy. You may just need some time away and see how things work you may even end up going back. I wish you the best of luck and i help i was helpful to you.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Yes, it is..lost of affection is a good reason but are you sure of your decision?Try to talk to a marriage counselor and do some self-talk,having children should be considered,woman when happy and contented tends to be lax w/ their figure especially if they trust their spouses or partner.
If possible try your best to find time to talk to your wife and try to save your marriage,since you are still not so hook up with your assistant
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Do your wife and favor and divorce her. She deserves better then you. Now your father in law can take you off of his pay roll, as he no longer has the obligation. Perhaps he can hire a new writer based on skill and not family ties.
So you are forced to sneak around? How? Is there a gun to your head? Take responsibility for your actions!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Thats the problem with most men. They like to place the blame on women because they think with their ding dong instead of their brain!!!!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Thats deep
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Oh oh well listen up women this sounds like a reality check LOL Guess I better put down this donut and head to the gym before i gain more weight and my husband leaves me. But to be honest we all gain weight its normal but your husband should not have to live with a fat cow if he didn’t marry a fat cow. So stay in shape and stay pretty. We might age but that does not give us an excuse to let go of ourselves.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Here’s some advice you magoginistic loser: Don’t cheat on your wife! Don’t try and get her to turn into someone she’s not! And your penis is old and won’t stand at attntion!!!!!!!!!
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
"Because of her laziness, I have been forced to sneak around to have sex with women who are attractive."
What a wanker!
Blaming the woman for your sexual conduct. If she’s fat and you can’t handle it, simply be honest and get a divorce. Sleeping with the secretary is another step in the "cruel male ego" ladder. Besides, human metabolisms decline with age and both men and women pack on the pounds. If she went overboard, that is her problem but it does not "make" you sleep with 20-something whores! Have some responsibility, lol.
October 14th, 2010 at 12:05 pm
First, "irish_la…" is stupid for trying to rationalize your disgusting behavior. You are a piece of sh*t, and should be dealt with as such. If the only reason you married your wife is for her looks, you are quite possibly the most shallow person I have encountered. I feel like it is almost pointless to try to convey reason and wisdom to someone lacking the aptitude to comprehend what a real marriage should be about. My best advice for you is to be man enough to admit your cheating ways to your wife. On those grounds, I hope for her sake she divorces your dumb ass and you find yourself someone who will treat you the same way you treated her. In the end, bad people get what they deserve.