Is it infidelity and what would you do?
I found my husband of over 20 years listed on a personal dating site. I opened his email to retrieve an old email address. I noticed what appeared to be solicitations/spam from a dating personal site. At first I ignored it because I get BS spams in my inbox at times. However, it started playing on my mind. He is not some hottie here. He has always been quite jealous in regards to me, but we have 4 children I am ok in my life other than his sometimes controlling behavior.
I decided to take a look a week later and I saw, "let us help you get more dates" let us help you finish your profile. I decided to sign in with his email info and sure enough he pulled up. He had not finished the profile for a formal submitting.
I was sick and we are expected to get together for the holidays. What do I do. He acts like there is nothing going on "Hi Honey" or what ever… I am embarrassed to share with my friends. I am afraid of even kissing him or about faking a reaction.
It is not the time and I have teenagers. I am gut sick! I am NOT good at living a lye.
Please Help!
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Tags: dating site, email address, hi honey, holidays, hottie, inbox, lye, personal site, solicitations, spams, teenagers
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
I agree with harley d. Communication is everything. Tell him how you bumped into this & and that you are a little upset about this. Is he looking for someone else? Does he not value his life with you and the kids?
Honestly I just think it was for fun but as a woman I understand your position. He should respect you;-)
Good Luck.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
I wouldn’t put up with it, i’d confront him immediately.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Been through it you either get over it or move on with your life.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
he may have just been curious - he should have explored with you, not without you.
you really have to sit down and talk about it without getting mad.
sex is fun and if someone feels they have to hide to explore, then somethings wrong.
work on fantasies together.
go to a strip club together - make him see you as a "hot as hell dream wife" and don’t binge on what could have happened - it obviously didn’t.
but it might if you don’t air some stuff out now.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
He has not posted a profile yet, therefore he hasn’t followed through with it yet. You should confront him about it and tell him you would be willing to work it out if he agrees to go to marriage counseling. Had he submitted the profile I would have suggested visiting an attorney.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
as he had not finish his profile it tell me hes not in to it in the first place .. but looking .. only .. its his fun .. but he would not go in to the site that far .. anyway .. so your upset over a man looking .. i cant see why..
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Just talk to him
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
If I were you I would come straight out and ask him about this,,you both have nothing if you don’t have honesty and trust.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Lay it on the line. Let him know you found it. Then wait and see his reaction. If he apologizes and agrees to get help for his problem, then you’re good. If he gets defensive, blames you, says you’re snooping, anything that takes the blame off him and puts it on to you, then you’ve got trouble. This isn’t your fault. If he wants to date, he needs a divorce. If he wants to stay faithful with a good woman, then he’s going about it the wrong way. Tell him, see his reaction, and go from there. You might check out the book, "Love Must Be Tough" by James Dobson. It’s your turn to stand firm in who you are and what you expect from him. If he cannot give you that, then he needs to find a new place.
You can do it on your own. He will finance you - court ordered - and you and the kids will be all right. Never doubt yourself. You are much, much stronger than you realize.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
What were YOU doing on that site anyway. Seems like you were up to something yourself huh. Instead of snooping around, why don’t you put on a wife beater and some thongs and start "Backing that thang up" So..handle your business Mrs. Busy Body…
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
I would call him on it. Maybe there is a reasonable explanation. Maybe he was feeling low and insecure at the time(not that thats an excuse). It is a good thing that he never finished his profile though.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Sign up on one of those dating services yourself. You will discover that there are literally thousands of men who are listed there that will never ever show up for a date. They must be just testing to see if they still have it or something. Look at the dating service forums.. you will see people complaining about how guys arrange to meet and then do not show… or set up profiles as couples but are in fact just some guy… or just want to photo swap.. etc. He isnt likely to be cheating, he is more likely to be exploring his mojo to see if he still has one. If he really wanted to have casual sex a dating service isn’t best place to find it… he would be out hitting the sex clubs where he knows people are there and ready for action.
Knowing this, then you should talk to him about it. It’s not the end of the world, you know. Marriages survive this kind of stuff readily.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
confront him, get it out in the open, maybe its that middled aged thing. some times men do stupid things, it seems like he stopped and obviously din’t complete it. the internet makes it so easy to lure bored people in. Don’t get sick over it. My husband had one on some political site, saying he was single, etc. then he deleted it, if he loses me he lost the thing he ever had. 24 yrs. married.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Rip his ass. You have the ammo to do so.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
You can’t do anything except be honest and hope for the best. This is going to eat you alive if your not open with him. Don’t go in the conversation ready for blood. Let him know what you did and why. Ask him why he was contemplating on joining up the dating service. Hopefully this can of worms is going to not break your heart. But, this is eating at you and either way you have to know. Then decide based on how the conversation goes on what happens next. Don’t forget, any time there is a conversation like this you stand the chance of losing what you didn’t want to lose.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
Remember, innocent until proven guilty.
It seems like every page of the internet has ads for dating sites. A click here and a click there and you can find yourself curious and tempted to take a look. But, as I have discovered (and btw I’m single) you can’t just start browsing, you must first register and fill out a profile, even at the free sites.
So perhaps your husband clicked an ad. Said he was a male seeking a female. Now they want more info. Describe yourself, what you’re looking for, blah, blah, blah. He quit and went to do something else never even thinking that they would send him a welcome email or anything else.
Your reaction to this makes me think you are already a little insecure in your relationship. Why not just say "Hey, I saw you got an email from that dating site, something you want to tell me?" and cut out all the fretting.
One last thing, no way you could have signed on to a dating site without his password. Are you sure you’re telling us the whole story?
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
He needs to be sit down and have THE talk with.He sounds like he is lacking something at home. I believe maybe the lines of communication have been severed. Gazpacho is right too.
Talk to him about your marriage and the state of that union. You know him better than we do. Start chatting before it eats away at you and makes you sick. No need for that at all. Good luck
I just joined a dating service and my hubby is very happy about it.lol.
April 18th, 2010 at 7:26 am
signs of cheating