Comments on: Is he going too far with my infidelity? http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity How to look for signs of infidelity. Sun, 20 May 2012 23:04:31 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7.1 hourly 1 By: krollohare2 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1323 krollohare2 Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1323 Well first of all let's get something straight. You two are not married. So there's nothing there but trust or what's left of it. It would seem if he's this jealous and yet this secretive about his life, perhaps maybe he's cheated on you too which might explain your drunken half-completed sex act. The point is, he's judging you far too harshly and has failed to look at the reasons why you cheated on him in the first place. That is, if he's this bad now, what was he like before? I'll bet the same. When we mistreat, ignore, abuse or neglect the ones we love they eventually get tired of it and start searching for what it is they are not getting in the relationship. You don't strike me as being a "player", but someone who strayed because her boyfriend was being a schmuck to her. Therefore, if the two of you are going to rebuild your relationship, then there has to be mutual trust. And that involves your boyfriend admitting to you that he mistreated you and instead of continuing to mistreat you, try and find a way so that the two of you can heal each other. From the looks of things, you ought to just break up and move on in life. He doesn't sound like he's forgiven you and its likely he will hold this over your head forever. And ... what if you learned he had been seeing other girls behind your back AND hiding it? Especially after you fessed up to your half-completed infidelity? Well first of all let’s get something straight. You two are not married. So there’s nothing there but trust or what’s left of it.

It would seem if he’s this jealous and yet this secretive about his life, perhaps maybe he’s cheated on you too which might explain your drunken half-completed sex act.

The point is, he’s judging you far too harshly and has failed to look at the reasons why you cheated on him in the first place. That is, if he’s this bad now, what was he like before? I’ll bet the same.

When we mistreat, ignore, abuse or neglect the ones we love they eventually get tired of it and start searching for what it is they are not getting in the relationship. You don’t strike me as being a "player", but someone who strayed because her boyfriend was being a schmuck to her.

Therefore, if the two of you are going to rebuild your relationship, then there has to be mutual trust. And that involves your boyfriend admitting to you that he mistreated you and instead of continuing to mistreat you, try and find a way so that the two of you can heal each other.

From the looks of things, you ought to just break up and move on in life. He doesn’t sound like he’s forgiven you and its likely he will hold this over your head forever.

And … what if you learned he had been seeing other girls behind your back AND hiding it? Especially after you fessed up to your half-completed infidelity?

]]> By: bronzebabekentucky http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1324 bronzebabekentucky Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1324 I don't care HOW bad the "times" are in my marriage, I don't use the excuse that I was drunk to cheat. Sorry that he is bitter over your cheating. He doesn't Have to "make it better", You do. He can't trust you, because you're a cheater. What don't you understand? I don’t care HOW bad the "times" are in my marriage, I don’t use the excuse that I was drunk to cheat. Sorry that he is bitter over your cheating. He doesn’t Have to "make it better", You do. He can’t trust you, because you’re a cheater. What don’t you understand?

]]> By: cutekitten http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1325 cutekitten Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1325 Sounds like he still has major trust issues-but I disagree with him taking your phone for the day. He needs to start accepting that you two are moving forward & put the past behind you. If he's sleeping with his phone he may be doing something not right & thinking he can since you cheated on him. Tell him you want to read through his phone & texts & needs to answer calls in front of him too since he's doing that to you-if he says no tell him it's time to break up because you don't want to be in a relationship where there is no trust. Sounds like he still has major trust issues-but I disagree with him taking your phone for the day. He needs to start accepting that you two are moving forward & put the past behind you. If he’s sleeping with his phone he may be doing something not right & thinking he can since you cheated on him. Tell him you want to read through his phone & texts & needs to answer calls in front of him too since he’s doing that to you-if he says no tell him it’s time to break up because you don’t want to be in a relationship where there is no trust.

]]> By: B. http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1326 B. Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1326 Neither one of you have any trust in the other one. That is no way to have any relationship. If you had a REAL relationship, you never would have cheated on him no matter how drunk you were. This relationship should just end. Cut it off and stop it. Don't let it die a long painful death. Neither one of you have any trust in the other one. That is no way to have any relationship. If you had a REAL relationship, you never would have cheated on him no matter how drunk you were. This relationship should just end. Cut it off and stop it. Don’t let it die a long painful death.

]]> By: bootsontheroad http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1327 bootsontheroad Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1327 The "I was drunk" is not an excuse. You make a decision to put your hands on some one and to allow them to put their hands on you. So quit with the excuse. As for the phone, ask him to replace the phone he broke with one exactly like the one you had. Then, pack your stuff and leave. Move on to the next guy that is okay with your cheating any time things get rough. The "I was drunk" is not an excuse. You make a decision to put your hands on some one and to allow them to put their hands on you. So quit with the excuse. As for the phone, ask him to replace the phone he broke with one exactly like the one you had. Then, pack your stuff and leave. Move on to the next guy that is okay with your cheating any time things get rough.

]]> By: Everybody lies. http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1328 Everybody lies. Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1328 No this isn't normal. Since your bf decided to forgive you and not break up with you, he should prove it. (If he couldn't stand it, he could break up with you and get it over with) No, his actions are pushing it a LOT. It's unacceptable to take your phone away from you just because he feels like it. I would dumb him immediately. By the way, I do NOT approve of you cheating on him, but since you did come clean and it was HIS choice to forgive you and rebuild the trust, he should live up to it or break up. No this isn’t normal. Since your bf decided to forgive you and not break up with you, he should prove it. (If he couldn’t stand it, he could break up with you and get it over with) No, his actions are pushing it a LOT. It’s unacceptable to take your phone away from you just because he feels like it. I would dumb him immediately.

By the way, I do NOT approve of you cheating on him, but since you did come clean and it was HIS choice to forgive you and rebuild the trust, he should live up to it or break up.

]]> By: Tricia G http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1329 Tricia G Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1329 Why would you want this pattern of behavior for a forever kind of life? BTW, being drunk is no excuse for cheating. You knew what you were doing and you didn't care. You were wrong and you need to own that. From what you wrote above, you are still trying to absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions by blaming it on going through a rough patch and intoxication. You aren't going to rebuild his trust by assigning causes other than your own moral weakness. To a certain extent, if you want to repair the damage you caused by cheating, you are going to have to be a completely open book. That said...if the trust issues do not abate over time, then go your separate ways instead of being under this level of vigilance for the rest of your life. BUT...I wouldn't put up with the controls he has put in place. They're extreme and his reaction is a red flag. (As was your cheating a red flag.) Why would you want this pattern of behavior for a forever kind of life?

BTW, being drunk is no excuse for cheating. You knew what you were doing and you didn’t care. You were wrong and you need to own that. From what you wrote above, you are still trying to absolve yourself of responsibility for your actions by blaming it on going through a rough patch and intoxication. You aren’t going to rebuild his trust by assigning causes other than your own moral weakness.

To a certain extent, if you want to repair the damage you caused by cheating, you are going to have to be a completely open book. That said…if the trust issues do not abate over time, then go your separate ways instead of being under this level of vigilance for the rest of your life.

BUT…I wouldn’t put up with the controls he has put in place. They’re extreme and his reaction is a red flag. (As was your cheating a red flag.)

]]> By: Candy Girl http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1330 Candy Girl Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1330 It does sound like he's going a bit far. At the same time, realize that you will have to earn his trust back. Your infidelity may have just made him more overprotective, controlling and insecure. Problem is, now he may feel like he is entitled to control you this way and if you don't go along with it you will get accused of cheating and/or hiding something. This is the price you pay for cheating as I'm sure you know. Calmly tell him you know you have to earn his trust back but his behavior will not make things better. Only worse as you will grow to resent him and ultimately break up with him anyway. Also if he wants to be with you, he will have to move past it because holding it over your head forever will not make this a happy relationship for either of you. It does sound like he’s going a bit far. At the same time, realize that you will have to earn his trust back. Your infidelity may have just made him more overprotective, controlling and insecure. Problem is, now he may feel like he is entitled to control you this way and if you don’t go along with it you will get accused of cheating and/or hiding something. This is the price you pay for cheating as I’m sure you know. Calmly tell him you know you have to earn his trust back but his behavior will not make things better. Only worse as you will grow to resent him and ultimately break up with him anyway. Also if he wants to be with you, he will have to move past it because holding it over your head forever will not make this a happy relationship for either of you.

]]> By: poison_angel32 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1331 poison_angel32 Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1331 You reap what you sow...now you've got to regain his trust back. You reap what you sow…now you’ve got to regain his trust back.

]]> By: MM http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity/comment-page-1#comment-1332 MM Sat, 04 Sep 2010 21:18:27 +0000 http://infidelitysigns.net/is-he-going-too-far-with-my-infidelity#comment-1332 Sorry, sweetie: when you get to the point where you're taking each other's stuff and devising elaborate countermeasures to get around the lying you imagine the other person's doing, the relationship has officially passed the point where all the stress and heartache is worth it. If you're really determined not to give up just yet, you can stop stewing over what's behind the phone locks and talk about it (preferably with the help of a professional), but I think I'd just cut my losses. Sorry, sweetie: when you get to the point where you’re taking each other’s stuff and devising elaborate countermeasures to get around the lying you imagine the other person’s doing, the relationship has officially passed the point where all the stress and heartache is worth it. If you’re really determined not to give up just yet, you can stop stewing over what’s behind the phone locks and talk about it (preferably with the help of a professional), but I think I’d just cut my losses.

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