Is a man more or less of a "real man" if he forgives his wife for a single infidelity?
This is a follow-up to my question from yesterday. I am looking for personal opinions of course. If a man remains true to his wife despite her infidelity and forgives her is he more of a "real" man or less of one? Is his faithfulness to her a sign of weakness or of values and character? I am thinking in terms of a man who can move on if he chooses but does not, rather than a man who has no options or is afraid to leave.
Some people yesterday said that if she cheated once he is a good man to forgive her but more than that is unforgivable. Assuming then she has cheated once, left with the other man or to make a new life, and then came back, is he a "real man" to forgive her? What if she returns but has the other man’s child? I truly appreciate any help given.
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Tags: faithfulness, good man, infidelity, real man, s child
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I don’t think you can use this as a litmus test of manhood. It all depends. Are you letting yourself be walked all over, or being understanding? Are you being maneuvered or making a choice? Are you forgiving because you’re too afraid to be out on your own in the big bad world, or again because you’re understanding and she’s a worthwhile woman?
A "real man" could easily go either way on this. Ask yourself why you’re doing what you’re doing and if you’re honest with yourself then you’ll know where you stand.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I think you should worry less about how other people define a "real man", and do what is right for you and yours.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
If she abandons him for another man and he takes her back when she comes crawling, he’s a sap. If he takes her back and she’s pregnant, he’s a pu$$y-whipped moron.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
A real man does what he believes is right. So it all depends on the situation.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
i can’t say it makes him weak.. but shows lack of self worth and value.
you can forgive her and still not live with her.
I think he shows others more respect than him self.
I don’t think his choice on taking her back or not dictacts his manhood either.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Don’t care what anyone else thinks.
They can take their judgment and shove it up their arse.
It’s your life to do as you wish.
That’s a real man.
When I stayed I negotiated a new status quo agreement to my advantage.
In retrospect, I wish I had left but for reasons unrelated to the affair.
e.g. Elin Woods got a better post-nup.
In your case, I suggest a "freebie" you get to use at any future undisclosed date (and you don’t have to tell her about it ahead of time) in additional to other reasonable changes if she isn’t pulling her weight paying bills or doing housework.
Time for 50/50 across the board.
You should have divorce papers drawn up in any case and then decision is what to do with them.
You can also use this as a means to sexually dominate her depending on what you want. e.g. She’s allowed to have sex with anyone she wants but she has to beg you for permission first. You’ve got a dirty girl whether you like it and she wants to admit it or not.
If you accept the good with the bad you can make the most of it. (Want to swing?)
Think about what you want and keep in mind it’s not easy for a man to just go sleep around unless he buys it.
If you are younger and have no children - leave!!!
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I don’t think either way makes you a "real man." In the end we are human and have emotional needs, if you can forgive her for her infidelity and you want to keep going then do it, if you cannot trust/forgive her any longer then you should leave. Do what feels best to you.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
If he has sex with her mom or sister than he is truly a man. Anything else would be a pu$$y
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
its nothing to do with being a REAL man …. the fact you let her think she needed more indicates your level of concern should be geared towards communication and understanding her needs. Somewhere along the line YOU let her down first… the moving on bit , i dunno… maybe you dont want to move on because now you have a level of control… or maybe you already raised the anchor a while ago and only she noticed.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I would never tell my fiance this, but one time is all he gets. if I can live with the single time, then if it happens again, then i’m gone for sure. I don’t know if I could handle it if he had another child while away. But if I could, it’s worth the try because marriage is not something that you just throw away if it can be salvaged. Don’t ever let someone walk all over you though.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
Forgiveness shows maturity and definitely character. Taking her back is a different story. If you don’t trust her and you stay with her, then I would say that you don’t value or respect yourself enough and those are both characteristics a "real man" should possess.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
He is just a man. Think of the old song from Jesus Christ Superstar…I Don’t Know How to Love Him…where Mary Magdaline…a hooker sings
He’s a man…just a man…and I’ve had so many men before.
Funny but this is about your wife having other men.
If you forgive her…take her back…let her back…it has nothing to do with your manhood or ‘real man’ character. For some reason you would rather have her back after she has been with another guy than do without. Nothing more or less than that.
Oh …it wasn’t just once…was it?
BC
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I think if he is a real man,he is going to forgive you even if you are pregnant with the other man’s child .But you should work on weakness of cheating on him and be loyal to him.Do you think he can not cheat on you? yes! but because he loves you, he remains loyal and faithful to you regardless of what you have done to him.It is not easy but you should try and do the same.Good luck.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
we all make mistakes, some big ones some little ones.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
how about he tells his wife to close her legs to other men.if she has another man’s child and then goes back to her husband.the she is shameless..only an idiot will take her back.
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
If she is really truly repentant then forgiveness fom the husband is showing his strenght,wisdom and love just like Jesus did as a head of every christian man. Imagine how many tmes Christ being denied from his disciples on the time he needed them most during his captivity? Christ who is sinless have died for us who are sinner because of the great LOve fo us and likewise you as a husband have that.Surely it would not be easy and that the thinking of this generation will not fit what God’s law is but it doesnt mean God law have change.When the repentance is from the heart,who are you to deny that? That is What Jesus Christ did for us,we are nothing.Think about that.
A successful marriage requires giving “exclusive devotion” to your mate. (Song of Solomon 8:6; Proverbs 5:15-18) What does this mean? While it is normal to have friends of both sexes outside of marriage, your marriage mate has first claim on your time, attention, and emotional energy. Any relationship that takes what rightly belongs to your mate and gives it to someone else is a form of “infidelity,” even if no sexual activity is involved.
How could such a relationship develop? Someone of the opposite sex may seem more attractive or empathetic than your spouse. Spending time with that one in the workplace or in a social setting can lead to discussing personal matters, including problems or disappointments in your marriage. An emotional dependency can grow. Communication in person, by telephone, or through online chat could become a betrayal of trust. Marriage mates properly expect that certain topics will be discussed only with each other and that their “confidential talk” will be kept private.—Proverbs 25:9.
Beware of rationalizing that no romantic feelings exist when in fact they may! ‘The heart is treacherous,’ says Jeremiah 17:9. If you have a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex, ask yourself: ‘Am I defensive or secretive about the relationship? Would I be comfortable if my mate overheard our conversations? How would I feel if my mate cultivated a similar friendship?’—Matthew 7:12.
An improper relationship can lead to marital disaster, since emotional closeness paves the way for eventual sexual intimacy. As Jesus warned, “out of the heart come . . . adulteries.” (Matthew 15:19) However, even if adultery does not result, the damage caused by loss of trust can be extremely difficult to repair. A wife named Karen said: “When I discovered that Mark was secretly talking on the phone several times a day with another woman, my heart was broken. It is very hard to believe that they were not involved sexually. I am not sure that I will ever trust him.”
Keep friendships with members of the opposite sex within appropriate boundaries. Do not ignore the presence of improper feelings or rationalize impure motives. If you sense that a relationship threatens your marriage, act quickly to limit or end it. The Bible says: “Shrewd is the one that has seen the calamity and proceeds to conceal himself.”—Proverbs 22:3.
Protect Your One-Flesh Bond
Our Creator intended that marriage should be the closest relationship between two humans. He said that husband and wife “must become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) The one-flesh bond involves more than sexual intimacy. It includes a close emotional bond, which is strengthened by unselfishness, trust, and mutual respect. (Proverbs 31:11; Malachi 2:14, 15; Ephesians 5:28, 33) Applying these principles will help to protect your marriage from damage caused by mental and emotional unfaithfulness.
[Footnotes]
It is important to note, however, that only sexual relations outside the marriage constitute grounds for Scriptural divorce.—Matthew 19:9.
Names have been changed.
HAVE YOU WONDERED?
▪ Can sexual fantasies lead to actions?—James 1:14, 15.
▪ Could a close friendship with someone of the opposite sex threaten your marriage?—Jeremiah 17:9; Matthew 15:19.
▪ How can you strengthen your marriage bond?—1 Corinthians 7:4; 13:8; Ephesians 5:28, 33.
[Blurb on page 29]
“Everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”—Matthew 5:28
July 2nd, 2010 at 9:54 pm
I think you should do what your heart and soul tells you to do.
I think you should not listen to strangers, friends, and family members.
I think it is imperative that you go to marriage counseling. If she won’t go, go by yourself.
It has been proven that when there has been an instance of infidelity, the marriage hs a better chance of healing if they go to marriage counseling.
Peace.
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