Infidelity…whos more to blame the cheater or the cheaters partner in crime?
So this question comes from an actual experience of mine. Long story/Short. I am was deployed overseas and my wife cheated on me (and yes, I divorced her) Now, beings that who would be more of the person at fault, her or the person she cheated with (a conversation I had with friends)? Off the bat all signs would point to her but beings that given the circumstances, she was at a house party where all the attendees where consuming alcohol. Also, another main fact is well, she was wearing her wedding ring. Another thing, which to me might make a difference to those who where drunk, a christmas gift prior to marriage was a diamond ring and she wore on her right hand ring finger so to me would lead me to believe that even if a drunk guy who was interested in her had looked at her right hand instead of her left hand, he still would see a Diamond ring on her ring finger. Also, testimony from the ex, she said that the guy who didn’t know me (and I don’t know him), did know that she was married due to questions asked throughout the nights conversations she had with the guy (where was her husband at, did he like being deployed, was he ready to come home, etc).
So with all that being presented….which one would you point the finger at for guilt?
I have been told her with reasons supporting it (she shouldn’t of put herself in that situation, she was the one married not the guy, she shouldn’t of gotten that drunk, etc.) But I have had people say the dude is to blame (he knew she was married and still went after it, she is emotionally unstable due to me being gone and he took advantage of that, all signs (rings and conversations) showed she was off limits and he ignored it, etc)
What is your opinion on this?????
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Tags: alcohol, attendees, christmas, christmas gift, circumstances, conversations, diamond ring, drunk guy, guilt, house party, left hand, marriage, right hand ring, ring finger, signs, testimony, wedding ring
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
They are both to blame, but your ex wife should be taking responsibility for most of it. She was the one who stood before family/friends and said her vows. It was up to her to say no, even when he came on to her. Alcohol etc makes no difference, at the end of the day she had a choice and she chose to disrespect you by cheating.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Who vowed to be faithful to you? There is absolutely no mitigation in my opinion. If you can’t stay faithful when you drink, you shouldn’t drink. It’s 100% on her.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
I think too many people place blame on the alcohol instead of taking the blame themselves…at some you have to take responsibility for putting yourself in the situation whereby it may lead to problems. It takes two always…so they are both to blame.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
That there is no excuses for either person. BOTH are equally to blame.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Personally I think it was her fault. 1. She was married and she put herself in a place she shouldn’t have been. 2. She got drunk around single men. 3. She was married and she opened her legs. She shouldn’t have gone out to a place where temptation was. Now, his at fault for chasing a married woman. He knew she was in a commitmed relationship and he played her. They are both cheaters, and your wife messed up big time.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Your kidding right. If you blame the guy that makes her a victim and she will always be a victim. Your relationship is with her not him. She was responsible for her actions period. But if she took responsibility and asked to work it out than that is a whole different set of circumstances. If I were married and there were strains on the marriage or she just screwed up and I believed she was truly remorseful than I may have sought couples counseling. That’s me.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
she shouldn’t have been drinking w/o you. stop trying to think she is not at fault, she owed you respect whether you were away or not. Her loss you seem pretty smart and like a good guy, men like you do find good women eventually, and women like her end up like garbage.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
They are both to blame if he knew she was unavailable, but you should move on, it really deosn’t matter about these details…she cheated on you and could you ever forgive that and trust her again?…If not move on
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Oh sweet man. YOUR EX is completely at fault. I don’t give a damn what ANY reason. that could possibly make her look innocent, you do not cheat on your spouse. NOW, for the jerk who hit on her, that’s another type of ass. One that needs to be kicked. You don’t hit on someone else’s wife, it’s ignorant.
Please find yourself a good woman and remember NONE of it is your fault.
Good Luck
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
It’s her responsibility to uphold her marriage vows. But the guy’s a scumbag too for hitting on a married woman. Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter who’s the "most to blame," the fact is that she cheated, you divorced her, and you’re moving on. Right?
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
she’s to blame and he is also, when i was single married men would flirt and i din’t encourage it, so they stopped, in other words he knew what he was doing. my husband had an affair but i saw proof where she also pursued him all along, emails, constant calls, knowing he was married.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Regardless of whether or not the guy noticed the ring (drunk horny guys usually have other body parts in mind other than fingers), the majority of responsibility lies with your ex. She was the responsible party in your marriage and was in complete control of any decision as to whether sex would happen. If he knew she was married, he bares some responsibility too, but most of it is still on your ex.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Alcohol is an excuse that people use, when you’re drunk, you do exactly what you want to do.
I blame you and her. I know what its like being young and in the military. You want something to come home to, you want the letters from home, etc… But we disregard how tough the military is on a marriage (or any relationship) and how much the military changes us the first few years we are in.
Personal responsibility may not be popular, but she’s a big girl and as you pointed out, she’s the married one who went to a house party with drunk single guys. (sounds like she was looking for something)
And you got married instead of taking advantage of being overseas and away from American woman.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
She is.
He is a loser and he knew what he was doing, yes.
But SHE is the one who promised to remain faithful. SHE said her vows. He did not promise anything to you. He couldn’t have cared less about you.
There is no excuse. Drinking is not an excuse ever. She knew what she was doing, she was just more open to the idea because of the drinking, doesn’t mean she didn’t realize it was wrong. She knew.
He didn’t betray your trust because you didn’t know him, she did betray your trust.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
It takes two to tango, they are both at fault. She may have told him she was married, but she knew she was. No ethics on either of their parts.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Both are wrong, however, SHE was the one who promised to love and be faithful to you not the other guy. I do have to say that I don’t think very highly of him either though and hopefully, when women see that man coming, they run!
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
Who is responsible for the murder, the gun or the guy who pulled the trigger…
The cheater is the one responsible and therefore the finger should be pointed at them…the enabler is just a schmuck who spread her legs or dropped his drawers.
Drunk is never an excuse for cheating…there is no excuse. Alcohol removes the inhibition to cheat so if they cheat while drunk it’s because THEY WANTED TO all along and the alcohol has just removed the break that prevented them from doing so.
March 10th, 2010 at 2:41 am
It is all her fault. She was the one who promised to be faithful. The other person has no obligation to do the right thing since she was not worried about it.