Infidelity in my marriage… move on or at least try?
Please read before saying anything. My husband and I separated a long time ago. I was pregnant at the time and he had no intentions of working things out. Time went by and I kept trying to win him back, and I found out that he had slept with 7 girls through that time. I also found out that one girl was pregnant. We had our baby in March. Finally, after so long, I gave up. My husband had told me before I gave up that he wanted to work on our marriage and he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, and I could tell he was sincere because trust me, I know him better than he knows himself. This woman that is pregnant told him she wants him to sign over his rights because she doesn’t want him in her life. He agreed. A couple of weeks ago I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. After I told him that, I had met a guy. Well we got together and made out… and it led to other stuff but not sex. I felt so guilty because I am not a cheater and although I said we were done and I was filing, we aren’t divorced so it wasn’t right. So feeling guilty, I told my husband and he was crushed. He started crying and he said, "Now I know how you felt all those times… but I’m sure your pain was much worse." I told that guy that I can’t talk to him anymore. But now there is another guy and I dont know what to do. This guy is amazing, but I feel like I still should try at my marriage. I pray about it and sometimes I feel like God is telling me I have the right to move on, but then sometimes I feel guilty. I still love him very deeply, I never stopped. He’s working out of town right now but said he wants to drive up here to see me today. I told him I had to think. I don’t know what to do. I could see a relationship going far with this other guy, but I can also see my husband and I working things out but its gonna take a lot of work, and I guess I’m afraid I’ll get my heart torn out in the process again if it doesn’t work.
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Tags: cheater, girls, god, gonna take a lot, heart, long time, marriage, relationship
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
Dear Switzerland,
You better get off this fence post your on NOW! You’re involving alot of chances of children coming into this convoluted mess you have made for a life. I’m not trying to be mean but you make your choices in life. This idiot you so love who your separated from should have been thrown back years ago. Now you involve innocent men into your life to fall prey to your "back and forth" bs in life. If I could talk to those men I would tell them to run for the hills concerning you. Even if you do FINALLY divorce that idiot you will still probably see him on the side after you start up fresh and new with a different man. I can see you going through this endless merry-go-round with the ex all through life. Sad but true. Why do you do this? Don’t you see you deserve better in life than him? He’s a cheating low life who gets others pregnant and then professes love to you? Don’t you see the forest for the trees? I guess you can’t……your one of his trees.
Make a change now or forever live this way.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
After reading the first 3 lines of your post,it’s best if you move on!!!
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
Whichever guy you’ll pick, it will take a lot of work. But whom you pick, is a question that takes an easy answer. You must pick the guy with whom you have the most in common. Like religion, ethnic background, lifestyles and other similarities. Most successful marriages are between partners of similar background. Check out my source.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
I honestly believe that your marriage won’t work. You two seem to have a cat and mouse game going. When he leaves, you chase him, and when you leave, he chases you. I am Christian so I won’t encourage you to divorce. I just think that the new guy should not be a factor in your decision to leave your marriage.
If you leave, leave because it isn’t working.
Your husband is a cheater and I have never seen a cheater rehabilitated. If I were you I would take some time off from both guys. It would only be a matter of time before your husband gets someone else pregnant. The new guy, if he is for you, he will be there when you are ready.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
Well you keep meeting guys… I guess you are moving on…
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
You said you know him better than he knows himself. Make him prove his love to you and just don’t let him in just like that. If a man wants someone genuinely, he will use a lifetime to prove his love to you. Make him go though hoops for you before you ever considering opening your heart again. Good luck.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
He agreed to sign over his rights so that he didn’t have any sort of association with the other woman, and you told him you couldn’t do it anymore AFTER that. How come you didn’t tell him you couldn’t deal with the situation before he decided to give up his rights as a father, to try be a good husband? The women he slept with, he slept with when you were separated. When you’re separated, what’s the point in acting like you’re married if you’re not with your spouse? During that separation is when you should’ve got with the other dude, not when you’re trying to fix things. You send mixed signals and you’re no more honorable to your vows than he is because you did "other stuff" with the other guy. I think you’d be better off with you and your husband going separate ways but not for the reasons or under the circumstances that you’ve said because you two share equal responsibility for the way things turned out.
Also, I would have a HUGE problem if I were in a situation where my husband got someone else pregnant, and he chose to sign his rights as a father away as he didn’t help to bring that child into the world. That child didn’t do anything to anyone and he/she deserves to know his/her bloodline. I would have to walk away because of that because he could easily sign his rights away to my child like he did hers.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
These guys are not "great".
Smart and capable men do not date single mothers.
You are being used due to your desperate situation.
You are in love with the fantasy of what your life could be like with them not the men themselves - you are still thinking about yourself and what they can do for you not what you can do for them. That’s not love.
There is something very strongly to be said for getting even so get even if you need to.
Then you need to decide if you want to ruin your life or love your husband.
"I pray about it and sometimes I feel like God is telling me I have the right to move on, but then sometimes I feel guilty"
God would be the force making you guilty.
Your selfish Id is telling you to move on.
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
move on.. something happened to me but i have 5 kids with my husband.. he did this in 2007 After we got married in 2006. we were high school sweethearts you would think that he would have only want to be with me.. but he got a hickey but says he didn’t have sex with her.. how did u find out she was pregnant? or that he had sex with other girls? im still trying to get it out of him.. he wont tell me but i think something else went on..
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
I think you are ready to move on.
If you have already been with one other guy and now another one in the works, you don’t really want to work things out with your husband.
And if he has been with 7 other women, forget about it!! A leopard doesn’t change their spots.
Quit feeling guilty and be good to yourself and your child. Be happy and be with someone that makes you feel good about yourself!
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
If divorce becomes necessary don’t see an attorney. You will both need an attorney to file the papers but that should cost very little. Get a mediator that specializes in divorce – he or she will know the law and what youre rights are, When they work out the details an attorney can file the result with the court. Attorneys have an incentive to cause conflict and make trouble between the parties – more phone call – more talks – more billable hours. I’ve been through this twice – I am friends with but ex’s and we compared notes – the attorneys exaggerated things, one made up phone calls, one made up things people said to make us mad at each other – all to drag things out and create conflict – do yourself a favor and don’t get an attorney involved until you have gotten together with a mediator and working out the details in an environment that is not conflict driven.
Here are a few web pages where you can get more info.
Good luck!
http://www.divorceinfo.com/mediation.htm
http://www.nolo.com/legal-encyclopedia/article-30191.html
http://www.mediate.com/articles/denny.cfm
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
hey dont listen to these people, hes your husband! cmon stick with him. you chose your love now love your choice. you said youve prayed. try more religion together pray together forgive one another for your past mistakes. you both have done wrong to eachother but can fix it if you both are willing. if you guys can express your regrets to eachother and forgive it can be better and youll be happier in the end. its not good to think of other guys or try being with other guys you already have a husband youll just feel more guilty if you do. blame it on tv them shows make people think its cool to leave your spouse for someone else, but its not
July 26th, 2010 at 3:03 am
http://diylegalinfo.com/Divorce_Links.html/ has all kinds of legal information on divorces and how to handle a divorce without a lawyer yourself.