If you have experienced infidelity in a previous or current relationship or know someone who…?
…has, please answer this…
I am living with a man and I only have a "gut" feeling that he could cheat on me. I guess anyone could be tempted to cheat, but what if you feel you are with someone who is more vulnerable to it? Living with him (we were in a long-distance relationship before) has exposed some of his habits which include overdrinking and flirting (inappropriately) with other women. Should I just accept him and his ways and that he may cheat on me, and then I will have to either forgive and live with it, or leave. Or should I look at him differently, less seriously, and move out and look for someone else. Do you just have to live in ignorance or pretend to be blind to it all, until something serious happens? If you have been cheated on do you wish you would have listened to the "signs" or was it better to just enjoy it while it lasted? Anything you all have to share will be appreciated. Thank you!
Mail this post
Tags: long distance relationship, signs
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
I was prepared to forgive and forget the first time she screwed around with another guy; you know, the permissive ‘anyone can stray’ type of thing.
Once it was evident that this wasn’t a fling, but that it was serious stuff, I had no patience for her and her activities. It was good-bye.
having said that, I had good hard irrefutable evidence of her activities. If you only have suspicion, but nothing solid, then you may be wrong. If that’s the case, then you’re jumping to a conclusion that may not be warranted.
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
there is an old saying –"once a cheater always a cheater" i wouldn’t put up with it but that is up to you. there are a lot of nice guys out there.
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Well I do believe in women’s intuition and if you feel something is wrong you can wait around and see what happenst. My last bf was a flirt (anyone..waitresses, women in the bank…) and we were also long distance. He also flirted right in front of my face. I told him stop flirting so much and he said "I’m not!" I began to realize he craved female attention. I never caught him cheating but I found out he had a profile up on several personal sites (no picture and the profile wasn’t filled out). I too had a gut feeling something was up when I went to visit him once and his cell kept beeping like someone was texting him. He just said he didn’t know who it was. Baloney! I found out he was on those sites and I confronted him. He said he liked going on and looking (again…craving attention). I broke up with him.
It was a painful experience because I loved him and it went on for nearly two years. I’m glad I did end it, and I’m glad I didn’t do anything dumb like move down there with him. I’m sorry this is happening to you but everything happens for a reason, so take note of what you feel inside yourself. For some reason we women tend to ignore the red flags because we see what we want to see, not with the truth is.. Another red flag for you is the drinking. Watch it. God bless you.
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Ok, there could be a lot going on here. One, yea he might have cheated, or thought about cheating, or never cheated. There is no surefire way for you to REALLY know. You will just have to trust your instincts. But also let me say this, and I hope it doesn’t make you angry, but is it possible that you may have self esteem issues? You may want to consult your physican as well and see if you are suffering from any type of depression. Is so, that could cause your feelings on this.
I know that I have had some depression in the past, and in that time frame, I also thought my spouse was cheating. But in reality, he watched our children all day, worked second shift, and came straight home afterwards, so there was no time for him to cheat, even if he wanted to. When I asked him, he was honest and said that he had thought about it once, but decided that he did not want to risk our life together for a piece of tail, that it wasn’t worth what he would lose.
But, when my ex-husband cheated on me and I had NO FREAKIN CLUE. One of his friends ratted on him to me, otherwise I never would have found out. But when I asked him, the look on his face screamed YES.
So, I think one thing you should do, is just ask him. Point Blank. Don’t give him time to think about it, and see what his answer is, and how he answers. Usually, if you know a person well enough, you should be able to know if he is being truthful. And if you continue to have doubts, maybe this is not the relationship for you.
You don’t want to spend the rest of your life with someone if you do not feel it is a solid, trusting, loving home and you certainly don’t want to spend the rest of your life checking his emails and phone calls trying to PROVE his infidelity. You might just end up causing a problem that wasn’t even there before.
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
My feeling on that is this: there are several questions I would ask…how old are you and how long have you been with this person? If you are in your twenties and there are no children involved in all honesty I would probably think about moving on. If you were married to this person and in your forties or fifties that is a bit of a different animal. In that case you would need to sit that person down and tell him that you feel that the flirting and etc is basically unacceptable and then wait and see what happens (things get way more complicated when you are married to someone and there are ’ties’ to that person….mainly children). If you are young and in your twenties and there are no ’real’ ties to that person I would honestly have to say that you might need to think about moving on. Why do I say that? Because I don’t feel like you should have to explain to anyone (who has 1/2 of a brain) why them flirting with another female is hurtful to you. I’ve been married once, then divorced, and now I’ve married again and I have never had anyone that I’ve been with to disrespect me in that way. Ya know what I mean? Some things should just be understood. You shouldn’t have to TELL your man that he doesn’t need to flirt with other women. If I were you and I didn’t want to completely ditch the relationship without trying to fix the situation I would sit him down and have a very serious talk with him and tell him what I would be able to tolerate and what I would not be able to tolerate and that if he can’t meet those expectations then we might need to think about going our separate ways. That is IF you feel that you aren’t ready to let go just yet. But I will be honest with you….if he is doing this now….in your presence….I would have to say that is NOT a good sign. Or at least that is my opinion on it. If I was young and there were no other ties to this person I would probably move out and opt not to further that relationship. But that is just me. You have to do what you are comfortable doing but I can tell you that if you are in your twenties or thirties with no children to consider there are PLENTY of guys out there that will not disrespect you that way. Now that you are living with him you are probably seeing more of who he really is and you CANNOT change who he really is and what he tends to do and the real person that he is with. I know that moving out and breaking up with him probably sounds drastic to some people but this problem goes deeper than just flirting with other women…we’re talking about the ‘core’ of what a person is and if this is the person that he is and that is what he enjoys doing, particularly right in front of your face, then your going to have a real problem on your hands later on down the road. You don’t need that. Nobody does. I wish the best to you. Not an easy situation to be in! Just try to look down the road a bit and determine what you think the future would bring you. If it’s heartache then run now!!!
May 15th, 2010 at 10:05 pm
Usually, if you’re thinkin that they’re cheating then they are. I’d go with your gut on this one. You deserve more than staying in a relationship and "waiting" to see if he’s gonna’ do it or not. I think that you should cut your losses and just move on. You’ll find someone that treats you how you deserve to be treated.