If infidelity is included in the pre-nup agreement? Would you sign for it?
My fiance and I both believe in pre-nup agreement. He has been cheated on by his ex, and still is paying big bucks after the divorce.
He is making a little over I do, and he has assets, I do not. When I was viewing the pre-nup, I found out he included "If either party committed adultery, then all the assets will go to the innocent party after divorce." I have no problem signing it because I am not going to cheat on him. But I am still a little offended because obviously, he doesn’t trust me.
What’s your opinion on this?
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Tags: adultery, assets, divorce, fiance, innocent party, pre nup agreement
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
He’s the one with the issue. He shouldn’t hold you responsible for what happened in his past. My husband got cheated on by his ex and he has never once questioned me or accused me of anything. He never would either. He knows I am me and not her. He loves me and trusts me and his trust is something I will not betray. I love him very much. I would sign this pre-nup (and be a little offended also) but it will make him comfortable. I presume that the assets are split if there is a divorce for "other reasons"?? Read the fine print before you sign. Have an attorney look it over for you. Just need to be careful and look out for yourself. Congratulations!
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Sign it. He loves you, he’s just insecure.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
He said "either party"… Sounds like he doesn’t trust himself, either?
If you’re not gonna cheat, you have nothing to worry about - either way, you win.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
He just doesn’t want to get hurt again. It seems fair that it states if either party cheats the innocent spouse gets it all. I don’t see anything wrong with that arrangement.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
If you love him and want to marry him then just sign it. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you…he is just simply trying to protect himself since it’s happened to him once before.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Watch out. What was it that drove his ex to cheat? In this pre-nup, how is "cheating" defined? Get a lawyer of your own, with YOUR interests at heart. You may be getting suckered.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I think you are pinpointing your insecurities at the wrong thing here…
Its not so much that you should be offended by the fact that he included cheating in the pre-nup…
But look at the big picture… him having you sign a pre-nup to begin with should be offensive and show that he does not trust you…
He is basically already protecting himself because things may go awry… well just as you said you are confident you will not cheat… what about how confident he is that you both will not divorce????
your pre-nup is offensive in itself… the details of it are only backup
I agree with ladyindica… find out what he considers cheating to be before signing.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
If you wont cheat, then what is your problem with it? To be honest, I think he is a very wise man. Frankly, I would include that in a pre-nup and if the woman had any problem with that clause being in there, she would be gone in a moment. I do not see where you have reason to be offended or upset with that, even if you did not know it was going to be in there ahead of time.
Given the way men usually get hosed, even if they did all the right things and played by the rules and it was the women who screwed him over, I have to commend this man. He is not only trying to protect himself but is also protecting you in a way.
In all actuality, one should use a marriage contract, listing all the things that both have agreed are and are not acceptable. This contract should also list the process for addressing grievances and so forth. Hey, it should list about everything, to include how often sex should be expected in the marriage and so forth. And the clause about if a person cheats, the other gets it all, that is a great idea. I would only include one other thing if I were him. That is if you cut him off in order to try to get him to cheat or to make it easy to justify doing so. If you make your spouse go without for little or no good reason, then you are in effect, somewhat tempting your spouse.
And to the person who asked why did his ex wife cheat? Gee, I wonder how often you ask a woman why her husband cheated on her? Probably never.
Any questions? Consult the following.
http://www.nomarriage.com
Visiting this web site just may help you and a lot of the women on here have a better understanding of just why so many of us men think we need to protect ourselves against you.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I know it feels like this is mistrust but he has been wounded. Sometimes men put themselves out there and when they get hurt it takes awhile for them to really learn to trust again. I would signed it because it lets him know that no matter what you want to be with him and that he can have faith. Tell that no matter if it was written on a piece of paper or not that you would never be unfaithful to him.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Because it goes both ways in that clause, I’d sign it if I were you, unless there are other parts of the agreement that are questionable. I would still definitely have my own attorney go through the contract with a fine tooth comb to make sure it’s all good.
Best of luck!
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
He is learning from past mistakes.You say you have no assets anyway.It seems more than fair and more binding that the wedding vows,by today’s standards.I would sign if you are as sure as you say you are.He is laying his assets on the line betting he won’t stray.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Helloooo …prenup=no trust. You’re both betting that your marriage will not last.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
He was hurt and is projecting it in the pre-nup. He may have little trust issues but he is showing you he isnt going to cheat because…for real… what person who was going to cheat would sign a pre-nup guaranteeing you assets if he cheats. If you never intend to cheat you have nothing to worry about, and if he cheats your guaranteed everything.. sweet deal if you ask me lol.
IMO your basically seeing he isnt going to cheat in writing. Be specific in the pre-nup what is considered cheating to you two. If you dont like strip clubs and porn throw that in there as cheating (jk, Ill prbly get a thumbs down now haha)
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
What a great idea i would sign it in a heart beat you are reading to much into it he is telling you that he will never cheat on you so what’s your problem. You better hold on to him he is one of the good guys.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Eh, that’s actually a tough question. I mean, it does say "either party" so he’s including himself. At first I thought "No Way!" but you know, if you’re good with a pre-nup to begin with, it shouldn’t be a huge deal. You may want to talk with him seriously beforehand though about fidelity. If he thinks you’re going to cheat before you’re even married, he may not be ready to walk down the aisle again.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I don’t think it’s that he doesn’t trust you. I think it’s just that he wants to protect himself. I can totally understand him doing that if it has happened before. You never know what the future holds or if people will change (on either side), so I don’t think that clause is unreasonable or because he doesn’t trust you.
I wish I would have thought of it. When first married, my husband and I had the same ideas about what lines you don’t cross with the opposite sex, but he has changed since we got married and we have to go over what is appropriate and what is not. It sucks. It would be nice to have it in writing.
I also think it may be a good idea to define what adultery is (to you both) in the pre-nup. Some people may say a kiss is adultery, or going to strip clubs (cause having a naked girl or guy giving you a lap dance and touching their naked body all over you is definitely cheating to me), or maybe it’s only physical intercourse. Also, what about an emotional affair where nothing physical has happened yet?
Just some advice. Good luck in your marriage!
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
If you had gotten screwed out of that much once don’t you think that he would rather be safe than sorry? He loves you but is just making sure to cover all the bases this time instead of ending up like the last. Love him and prove you won’t ever do it. If you do then it don’t matter.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
Pre-nup or not, I’d want him to deal with his trust issues before getting married, or take the chance of wearing his past issues on your shoulders.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
This is actually quite a normal aspect of most prenups and it has nothing to do with him trusting you or not it is covering both of your asses he screws someone else you win so really why would you be upset. Just sign but know you screw around you lose it all.
January 25th, 2010 at 12:12 pm
I wouldn’t agree to all the assets going to the innocent party. I think it’s good that you have no problem signing the pre-nup, but I do think it would be wise to have a lawyer, that you have hired, look the pre-nup over and advise you there accordingly. No harm in looking out for yourself. After all, that’s what your fiance is doing by having a pre-nup in the first place, right?