If a co-worker said this to you, how would you handle it? (infidelity question)?
My husband came home today upset and tired from a rough day at work. As usual we talk about our day and let the other one vent their problems to each other. My husband is in the military and today a co-worker of his asked my husband "Hey do you want to see a picture of my g/f?" My husband was confused because he hasn’t seen this guy in 4 months because he was deployed over seas but last time he talked to him he was married with 3 kids one who was just a few weeks old. My husband said ‘I thought you were married?" The guy said i am but my wifes outta town for the week visiting family and i’m going to see my g/f tonight. Then he precedes to show my husband a picture of this "other" woman and laugh and smile about it. My husband made a comment " Are you sure you should be doing that?" to which the guy just shrugged and walked off. Now this guy had admitted last year that he had cheated on his wife but they were working it out and apparently nothings changed. My husband was so pissed at the dude and said he’s lost all respect fot him as a man but he has to work with him every day for the next 2 months. Should he just pretend the guy didnt say anything and ignore him? My husband wasn’t sure how to approach it and i was flabbergasted, it’s not my place to say anything it’s not my co-worker but my husband feels awkward now because his buddies at work are always telling him crap like this and it puts him in an awkward situation. My husband says sometimes he feels like he has a "come talk to me sign on his back,lol". What would you do in this situation?
It’s almost like the guy wanted my husband to justify his infidelity,lol…and when my husband just looked at him and said what he did the guy was disapointed.
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Tags: 4 months, awkward situation, buddies, co worker, crap, infidelity, last time, laugh and smile, lol, wifes
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Ok well its not that you shouldnt have anything to do with it because you are his wife, but its a matter of how you should be involved in it. I mean it seems to be your husband obviously knows the logic of being married and knows the do’s and dont, which is why its awkward when he talks to his coworker. If i had a husband in that situation honestly theres not much that i can personally do about the situation but just be there for your husband and let him know that if he’s honestly not comfortable with the guy and the unfaithful ways he has then to let his co worker know. Have a man to man convo, and if his coworker gets mad or takes offense to it, which he doesnt have right to, then you can obviously see who the real man in the situation is. It’d be understandable to some point if his coworker WASNT married and had another girlfriend but thats not the case and its pretty messed up i dont blame your husband one bit for not wanting to be around that especially since the coworker doesnt even have reason to be unfaithful, or so it seems.
Bottom line is that you cant force a man to be a certain way when he doesnt want to. Apparently these "men" arent ready to settle down and start a life because theyre having so much fun dating every female and blabbing about it. If they want to brag at least they can do it to someone who cares or actually IN the same situation as them. But like i said, i guess just keep your husband in good spirit and let him know to tell them he’s just not into that because he’s not like that and obviously its kind of irritating knowing things like that when he doesnt care! …but i understand how u cam b confused, just watch the situation and see where it goes.
Good luck hun, and i hope everything works out with the situation! =)
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Ignore it. That guy is a grown man. He has to answer to himself in the end.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Call the guys wife.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Next time any fellow soldier offers to show your husband a picture of his "girlfriend" although married, your husband should simply say "No". If they ask why, he can tell them he doesn’t respect people who cheat on their spouses. He needs to let them know where he stands. In time the word will get out and they won’t bother him anymore.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
typical military guy.
just try to ignore him.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
All you husband can say is that it’s not a choice he would make. (if the guy brings it up again)
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
My husband is in the military too, and he and I have found this is an issue with many military men. Finding out someone who is married is cheating and not knowing what to do. If I was friends with his wife I would get proof and tell her. But if I was your husband I would ignore the guy. Eventually, the guy will ask what is up and I will tell him I don’t approve of you cheating on your wife and I don’t want any part of it. I would also make it clear to my co-workers that I don’t want to know about things like that and if they insist on telling me then I insist on them not talking to me. I have seen what can happen when someone messes in another person personally life or marriage. Nothing good comes of it, peoples feelings get hurt worse, friends and relationships are lost, and the pain can last for a while. I had a friend who was engaged and living with her guy. They guy was not just my friend but my cousin, and she didn’t know that. She was cheating on him and didn’t hide it from any of her girlfriends. When I found out I had to tell him, next thing I know she was calling me a "lying, jealous bitch who was the cheater and just after her man." Of course when she found out we were cousins the end part changed, but she started so much crap about me and it changed so many of my friendship. I had known this girl since we were 3 and it hurt me real bad to lose her. I hope by telling you this it will help you better understand why I gave the answer I gave.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
I think your husband it awesome! A lot of guys would have just played along like it was cool. Your husband must really be a good man. I would say just ignore it. I dont think he should ignore him, but just pretend like that situation never occurred. Like you said, he has to work with this douche for the next 2 months, so no need for any problems or awkwardness, ya know? Now obviously I dont suggest he goes out for drinks with this man, but just that he kinda lets this go. Try to look at it like this guy is just a man that has different values then him, and agree to disagree on it. (not that this man has any values, obviously, but treat it like that type of situation)
Good luck, and hang on to your awesome hubby!!!
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
hmm. I know several people who have been kicked out of the military for just this thing. I hope he gets caught, and his wife and children get lots of money from him.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Your husband can tell his fellow military member that he doesn’t condone nor appreciate adultery. Putting it in terms like that brings up thoughts of the UCMJ violation (Article 134) for Adultery.
Other Soldiers/ Sailors/ Airmen/ Marines will think twice before bring up their debaucherous acts in front of him, as they should. This is behavior that is unprofessional and brings a discredit to the military service.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Sorry Madam you should have been more intelligent. This is a man’s psychology. Your husband is afraid of losing you and so all the story of imaginary friend cheating his wife.
You simply say that you don’t think that cheating on wife is wrong & you want to meet this person.
The next surprise you will get is the confession from your husband that there is no such friend and actually he himself is having a girlfriend but he loves you very much and does not want to lose you.
So just to test your reaction to such situation he created the story.
My advice is that you pardon your husband as wifes are more important to men than girlfriends. Wife means family & love but girlfriend only means fun & sex nothing else to a man.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
I say that your husband should just ignore them,as long as he is not cheating on you then that’s their business.Now if the guy asks your husband what does he think about it then your husband should stand up for what he believes is right.But if they don’t mention it anymore,just let it go.The wife will eventually find out sooner or later.
July 18th, 2010 at 2:33 am
Your husband doesn’t need to engage in personal conversation with his co-workers. If this guy is making him uncomfortable, it’s best to just stick to business and leave the personal details aside. There are ways to express to someone that you don’t want to hear about their private lives - from consistently changing the subject of the conversation, giving short answers that don’t allow the conversation to go further, avoiding the situations where personal conversation may take place, or, if none of the above works, there’s nothing wrong with being direct and letting the person know that you’re not interested in their antics. Also, your husband needs to consider that it takes two to make a marriage into what it is, and to be "mad at the guy" without considering the wife’s responsibility for her share of the relationship is just silly. Most likely she knows what kind of person he is - yet, she chooses to remain in the relationship and continue having kids with him. This is really between the two of them, and the only thing your husband can do is chill out and keep his distance from the guy.