Comments on: I think it's over, but I don't want to let go.?

By: r m

r m — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

its a pityyou didn’t come to these conslusions before you got married. however, rather realise now than later. you can get an annulment. secondly, you can get a job. thirdly, you can rent a room and not go home to mom & dad. its time to grow up in many ways. forth- do NOT have a kid until you know youre ready for it. fifth - i know the lds community - you will never change him, but he will always try to change you - accept it or leave now.

By: af

af — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Marriage counseling adn counseling for you. You can make it work. It’s all about compromise. You signed the paper.

By: Dr. Mrs the Monarch

Dr. Mrs the Monarch — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Oh wow, there’s so many issues going on here that I don’t know where to start. The good thing is that you realize all of what is going wrong & are willing to admit that you are partially at fault for some of this. Many people aren’t willing to own up to stuff like that, so you are to be applauded for that. It shows maturity.

The bottom line is that you should divorce him for both of your sakes. You obviously don’t want to be in this relationship & it’s also very obvious that he’s getting fed up with the way things are now. I really don’t think that therapy has a good chance of fixing this relationship because there’s so much that needs to be fixed & quite frankly, I don’t think that either of you (especially you) really wants to fix it. The reasons you’ve given for staying are mostly "I don’t want anyone to talk **** about me" & "I don’t want to be alone". Those are not good reasons.

Seriously honey, leave him. There’s no fixing this relationship.

By: shawn b

shawn b — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Things will only get worse. Forget what others will say. Get a divorce now before you have a baby and get stuck. He is not going to get better.

Go back home and save up money to find an apartment based on your income. But get out now before it is to late.

Be careful how you leave. Talk to your mom about what is going on.

Find a real friend that is willing to be a roommate. Stop worrying about the gossip and attitude of others. Your safety and happiness is first.

By: Epona Willow

Epona Willow — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

First, I admire your maturity. It is not easy to be so honest nor is it easy to accept blame for mistakes.

It sounds like you know what you need to do. Be honest with him and tell him that you do not feel that the marriage is going to work. You can ask for government assistance and perhaps get council housing to avoid moving back in with your parents. Yes, your parents are going to be upset but they would be more upset if you came back home in 5 years dragging a couple children along.

By: dory

dory — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Yeah… I suggest you to go for marriage counselling. It’s normal to see a hell lot of differences in the first few months of marriage. (though I definitely disagree of him cheating on you.)

However, from what you said of him telling you to go to bed by 10pm and stuffs like that. I can see that he cares. He loves you. And it’s kind of a turn off to some men to have women who smokes. Smoking is also bad for health. No husband would want their wife to go to a pub and get drunk (even if it’s with friends) It’s not a nice thing to do when you are a married woman. I know people nowadays will stand up for their freedom and individual rights and shit like that. But try to look at your husband’s point of view.

He cares. He cares about your well-being, He wants to take care of you just that perhaps, he doesn’t know the right way to.

As for sex issues, find some time to explain and talk to him. In your case, I can see that both of you clearly has communication problem. voice out your unhappiness right from the start. If you continue to bottle it up, this is what happens. You will sink into depression and that’s not what we are hoping for. Clear up you differences and talk things out calmly. If you keep it inside you, you will eventually erupt and then things will get ugly, really ugly.

All the best. God bless!

By: no1advice

no1advice — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Sit your parents down and explain he cheated on you. You are miserable and you know they spent a fortune on the wedding. But you need to come home and file for a divorce. Do it.

Don’t be too overly concerned with co-workers you need to let their gossip just roll off your back. You need to really toughen up in life. Quit trying to make everyone happy. If you continue YOU will never be happy. Don’t go to work and yak and tell all your personal business and how you feel. It that to yourself.

Once you decide to leave do it on a day he isn’t around and get EVERYTHING that’s yours take it with you. Even if you have to rent a small uhaul or a friends pick up. Just so you don’t have to go back and fight over stuff with him.

Quit running the streets to go out and drink. Grow up. I hate smoking but that’s your problem to deal with. To me kissing a smoker is like licking a dirty ashtray.

Make some changes and SHOW your parents your trying to change your life in the right direction!!! And let them know that big wedding is it. The next time you "fall in love" and want to marry someone you will elope! Don’t put them in debt again.

Also whoever you end up dating in the future let that man know alot of what you described here. Go see a doctor about the condition you have with the painful sex. Do that now in your life don’t wait until some man is "into" you so to speak and now you can’t have sex and it becomes a problem in the relationship. Do something now. Get yourself on some birth control too.

Start now making some good positive changes in yourself.

As for me….it’s 3:00 am. and I’m now tired and going to bed. Good luck to you

By: rrosskopf

rrosskopf — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

Your guy is Mormon in name only. His guilt at living an immoral life must be crushing. To marry someone who likes to go out on all-night benders, he must have severe self esteen issues. I am struggling to see what foundation your marriage has. Sex is the weakest foundation, yet you don’t even seem to have that. The only hope I see of this working out, is if you both take the missionary discussions. His trying to change you will never work… you need to change him, and I mean for the better. Pick up the torch and investigate his religion. Mormonism has changed millions of lives for the better. Mormonism is about responsibility and commitment, truth and honor, and living up to our best potential in the sight of God. It teaches us how to love and be loved. I’ve never seen a church with greater power to improve one’s life.

By: Freda

Freda — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

I admire your honesty here. Despite the fact that you say you have some growing up to do, I think this is a very mature and honest summary you’ve given. Being alone isn’t as bad as being stuck in a bad relationship. The change you experience in becoming single is the scariest part of the process. Once you’ve found your feet on your own you’ll wonder why you ever thought it was scary. And you’ll discover a whole new person inside you that you didn’t know existed because she was hiding while you tried to deal with all the stuff you’re dealing with right now. Yes your parents are going to be annoyed. Although from what you say about them being controlling I’m guessing you’ve had a bit of practice at having them annoyed with you. You only get one life and you know your marriage was a mistake. You’re young and intelligent. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision to give yourself the wonderful future you deserve.

By: TrishARoo

TrishARoo — Wed, 16 Mar 2011 16:32:57 +0000

My mom went through a similar experience with my Dad. She felt, on the way to the ceremony, that this was wrong, but she already had everything planned, people were already there, etc… so she went on with it. She spent 16 miserable years with him because of that one descision. Get out before there are kids.