Here's One for you all infidelity or just looking ?
You discover on your computers history that your spouse has signed up on yahoo personals, adultfriendfinder, personalsareus, and others ( no joke ). Spouse claims they are just looking. Let me ad that you have seen the sign up pages, and bank statements that premium memberships have been paid for. Is this just looking, or is this an intention for some good time away from the marriage ???? and what would your response be ? ( ohhh, and this has been going on for 4 yrs. )
Please dont call me a fool. I already know. I just want for others to see what happens when this sort of thing goes on in your marriage. Lies…deceit show through in true form. I cant wait to read your answers.
We’ve been married for 13 yrs . He has denied everything to my face. I kicked him out last year. Screw up me trying to honor my marital vows I wanted to keep my marriage. He made promises he didnt keep. Now, he has to leave. wow…Im just loving these comments !
Top Contributors: Thank you . You hit it right on the money. He also has a question posted on here that I found. I had to laugh actually. His question: why do I think about sex all the time ..then it says he needs naked women all the time or something like that. It was posted about 5 days ago. Yes, he wanders why there is nothing behind closed doors or opened doors anymore. No trust, he has destroyed my feelings, misguided me as his wife. He has no pride. We have 3 kids. I told him its over, and Im being the nice guy giving him until the end of the month. Yes we both work. He’s had some pretty good days alone at home for years. I work days, kids in school , and he works midnights. It was a fricken party for him. At the kids and my expense. Now its his loss at his expense. AMEN
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Tags: bank statements, closed doors, computers history, deceit, feelings, fool, good time, intention, joke, marriage, naked women, nice guy, ohhh, personals, personalsareus, premium memberships, pride, screw, top contributors, vows
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
…do the right thing, dump the loser heal yourself and protect
yourself and your children…and grow stronger…
yNOT?
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
If he hasn’t ridden another horse, he’s getting the saddle out of the barn.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
That IS infidelity. It’s cheating and completely inappropriate. Obviously there are problems inthe relationship. If I still really loved this man, I’d sit down with him and we’d try to work on our problems together. Go to counseling and make sure he never does it again… if he does. That’s it. It’s over and I’m gone. If he refuses to cooperate and even see a counselor, I’d leave his butt. There’s no way I’d let anyone take me for a ride like that. This is why it’s SO important to be independent. That way you don’t get "trapped" in a bad situation just because of a lack of money.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Looking at what happens to cross under your nose is one thing (like sitting in a mall and you see his eyes track a girl going by, then back to you — can also lead to trouble, but if passive looking is all, then likely no major problems)… but actively seeking out things to look at and talk to, as he’s doing, is something else entirely. That’s assuming that he actually is being truthful and that’s all that’s going on … which seems awfully odd. People generally don’t sign up for such sites just to "look".
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
he is looking for the hook up
period
you caught him and he is backpedaling
no one pays for a membership unless they have intent to follow through
that would be live hiring a hooker and all you want to do it talk…
yeah…. right…..
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
sheesh, i asked the same question and got a lot of thoughtful answers.
same thing happened with me, although my bf never would admit it. i printed out the profile and he just said it sure sounded like him, but it wasn’t. i still believe it’s him.
anyhow, he admitted that he did have an ad..and that he believes it’s "ok to look". i don’t agree. i don’t think you pose as single and looking when you are living with someone for three years and supposedly love each other.
i believe my bf and your spouse are looking alright…for whoever they can cheat with.
i am looking also..for a place to rent so i can get out.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Whoa, I think I would go into the history and I would hit the print screen for each and every page he signed up for something like that, and I would have a field day with my lawyer. No, what the hell is he looking for. Na, he got caught and thought some lame as* lie was going to cover it up. WHEW. Couldn’t handle that. I believe before I left though I would have to clean out some bank accounts.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Print out the bank statements, the bills, and roll them into a tight tube. Hold it tight and tape it shut so it makes a nice hard baton….Then find your hubby and tell him what is in the tube….reach out and slap him on the nose and repeatedly say "no no bad dog!!!"
He basically is $hitting on your carpet and getting away with it. He needs to have enough respect for you to come clean and stop his behavior. Furthermore explain to him he is stuck with you and it is up to him how good or bad he makes that. I told my husband once to go ahead and roll the dice, to try his hand at treating me bad because I told him I am not going to leave him but it sure will be a looooong 80 plus years of marriage puting up with me if he treats me bad LOL. I won’t stop him from leaving mind you, but I won’t lift a finger or spend a penny to help him (he is super cheapskate so that hit him where it hurt LOL) and I told him I would keep his last name just to spite him:) Remind your husband of who you are. You are his partner and mother of his kids if you have any and that deserves some respect and committment damnit!
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
a friend of mine’s lil sister went through that exact same thing a few years ago. she’s now divorced. but let me tell ya, he was STILL trying to get money from HER to pay for all of his subscriptions while they were separated and getting a divorce. meanwhile she’s working full time, going to school full time, taking care and financially providing for their 2 kids alone! i swear, some people are just purely idiotic and selfish!
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Paying for a premium membership is going way out of bounds. I might be able to understand someone just clicking on things out of curiosity, but paying for it? You have a right to be alarmed and suspicious and your hubby needs to go the extra mile now to be an open book and play everything straight.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
yup, sounds like hes planning something, i’ve gone to those sites but i never joined or anything like that, i just looked and went on.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Just depends…4 years? Has he cheated yet?If you are feeling like your marriage is all lies and deceit,you need to get out now. You know how the web of lies starts…Its never ending What kind of foundation is that to build a relationship on??
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Sit down & talk to him. Don’t yell, don’t scream. Ask him what it is he is looking for when he is "Just looking". Also, if he is bored, aren’t you? You both may want to look into swinging. It can be fun and exciting as well as a way to get your marriage back on an even keel. I will also bet he will never see this coming and you may end up having a grand time together with just the idea. It worked in my relationship. She was bored & started "just looking" I told her I was thinking about signing up for a newsletter from a swingers magazine. We have worked out a few dozen fantasies and they have been enough for both of us for the last 6 years. We did try it a few times and the fantasy was better for us so we did not go back. Hope this helps.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Yes, it looks like he’s getting serious about seeking out the "strange."
However, it doesn’t prove that he will actually go through with the deed.
I know because I once considered it and bailed out because my conscience simply would not allow.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
If there is anything at all that isn’t working in that relationship or can’t be fixed like yesterday, it is time to start thinking about your next relationship because he sure is.
If you’re Fundamentalist Mormon and he is too, then that might be okay. Otherwise, he’s either looking to replace you or for some fun on the side.
If it’s been going on for 4 years, he’s probably more likely been after some on the side and you need to decide if you’re happy with him and whether that’s okay with you…
…but I’d still have a savings account of your own on the side, just in case you need to leave.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
You’ve been married 4years too long….
the real question is : "why don’t you have enough courage to do something about it?"
you’ve waited 4 years to finally vent about this?
think about all the clothes and shoes you could have bought yourself with those memberships….
Would you walk into Tiffany’s, buy something you fell inlove with-only to keep it in the box once you got home?
Would a man buy his favorite sportscar and never put gas in it?
C’mon……
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
I would be very hurt, mad, and pretty dam angry.This would be utter bull crap to have to find your husband the man you love doing that. His intentions are exactly what they are and that is no good. If I found that I would know that he was doing more than just looking. First if I were to even think to let him stay in my house he would be going into some marriage counseling with me. I would not trust him and nothing he would say to me at this point would not be believable. It would cause a lot of damage to our relationship because I would be in doubt about his character and not able to look at him the same. It would just be devastating to know that he was hooked up to talking to women for the last 4 years and I would be going over in my mind that he possibly even connected to one seriously at some time behind my back. Some women out there are desperate for anything even a one night stand and they don’t care if a man is married or not. I would be saying HELL NO and could not tollerate this …I would probably even think to end my relationship with him if somebody did not intervene to help us sweetie. I feel very sorry for you having to deal with this. My neice had the same problem with her husband and a couple years ago. She is trying to make it with him but the trust is just about out the door and she still isn’t over it.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
I would say it is wrong and you need counseling so he understands why. He is married. "just looking" isn’t allowed.
Even if it is some sort of ego game to see if he can attract women to flirt with him online (an accomplishment a 9 year old could achieve) it is not fair to you for creating an insecure environment and not fair the the women who are really looking for a relationship. At best he is wasting their time and your money.
Things like this cause mistrust, insecurity and ultimately a ruined marriage. Next he will be here asking why his wife doesn’t have sex anymore and it will be because you aren’t comfortable with him…there goes the sex life! Then you will be here asking why he is so angry all the time…no sex. Then he will stop taking out the trash because he is pouting over not having his on line girlfriends.
It needs to stop.
I never side with women who complain about porn, porn is just porn, a movie or photos of people who aren’t "real". These sites are real people offering real relationships and (maybe) real sex and married people have no business on them
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
IT’S INTENT… HE HAS ALREADY DONE IT IF THIS IS GOING ON 4 YRS,,, IF YOU CAN KEEP A BLIND EYE TO IT.. GOOD LUCK!! I COULDN’T AND I LOVED MY HUSBAND AND STILL LOVE HIM FROM AFAR AS HIS EX WIFE..
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
I’m sorry - that sucks. The good news is that you are facing reality about what he is really up to (looking for 4 years?)
His unwillingness to acknowledge the truth of what he is doing would tell me he is not interested in doing the work to fix things - he just wants to keep looking. So, let him keep looking. And meanwhile, take half!
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
It is mostly a dream. 90% of the guys who get onto these are simply looking and spending money. Most of the sites deliver nothing other than a few videos or photos. Its a fantasy. But then a few actually use it.
May 8th, 2010 at 7:25 am
Wow, guys are dumb. They have these great women at home and they’re willing to throw it all away. I’m married and I wouldn’t dream of disrespecting my wife like that.
Hope you get through this — I’m pulling for you!