Does it make you a bad guy for wanting your marriage to endure past infidelity?
I’ve seen people call him everything from insecure to a doormat. Does it not take a strong man to move past this if he wants to save his marriage? Why is it that he can not been seen as a devoted husband to his wife and marriage? Why is it that society wants to view him as weak if he chooses to have a solid belief in his vows? I love my wife with all my heart and I know what she did was wrong but that doesn’t erase the fact that I love her. Maybe it was because I was raised around my grandparents who endured any and everything and still stayed together. Why does society place this burden on the people by asking them to choose between themselves and his marriage? Is that how we look at marriage today? What happened to "I" becomes "We" and each person says "I do?"
Can someone help straighten me out on this? I love my wife I truly do and she says she still loves me. A divorce would be so easy…all we have to do is sign.
I don’t need validation…I just want to know why as a society we view marriage or the attempt to reconstruct a damaged marriaged a bad after wrong has been done.
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Tags: belief, divorce, doormat, grandparents, heart, marriage, strong man, validation, vows, wife and marriage
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I agree with my girl Beatngu……
I could tolerate and endure a LOT OF CRAP, but for me, cheating would be the dealbreaker……….
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
You will have to live with the knowledge that she preferred having sex with someone else. It will bother you every day of your life from now on. It is part of your relationship with this woman, it will affect everything you do and think from the moment you found out until you die.
You will never trust her again, and always wonder where she is at and with whom, when she isn’t by yourside.
Can you endure this? If so, stay with her. If not, get a divorce. It’s your choice and your busniness, not ours.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I don’t think it makes you a bad guy or weak or anything like that. I actually agree with you. I would try to make my marriage work after infedelity as well. Till death do us part is what I think about. I applaud you.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I think you’re a very strong and smart man for wanting to make the relationship endure the test of infidelity! I’m probably in the minority, but that’s just because most people nowadays are all about making things easier. I think we’re all tempted to jump on our high horse and make the person who messed up suffer…but it’s not easy when you love them, right? I think a man who takes back his wife after being unfaithful is seen in a better light than a woman who takes her husband back, though I’m not sure why.
When I was younger I used to say all the time that I would leave my husband if he cheated on me. But now that I’ve been in this marriage for so long, I’m realistic. No, I don’t think I would. Many women would call me a wimp and not knowing my own worth, but I think that it’s more than just a dating relationship. "For better or worse" means something to me. Silly, huh?
Keep up the great work with your marriage. You should feel very proud that you’re fighting to make it work.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
NOT AT ALL!!! And those who are strong ARE the ones who can make it past their spouses indiscretions…and what you find on the other side of the hurt and disappointment, just may be the last thing u expected…and make it all worth it. And vows are vows dammit!!!
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
You’re a good man…….
Stay strong and good luck to you and your family.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
Well, I for one wouldn’t take my husband back… I made my vows before God and according to Him, if my husband cheats, then I am no longer his wife.
I can forgive, and the Lord will forgive him as well… But, I couldn’t stay married to someone who couldn’t respect me or marriage enough to cheat.
As for what you do, that is entirely up to you. But, let me ask you this… Why is it you need to hear that you’re an ok guy for standing by your wife? Why do you need to hear that what you’re doing is right? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and you already know yours. If things are working out, why is it that you need validation from the rest of the world?
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
No, it makes you stronger than most of us.
Yes it does take a strong man.
He would not be seen devoted to some but not all.
I guess because society is constantly changing and at the moment, all it wants is "me, me, me".
Because divorce became so easy, which is a sad thing. No one, man or woman, should have to choose between his/her spouse and marriage.
To most it is. Most just see marriage as "we’re together as long as you make me happy" kind of thing. I don’t really dislike divorce and the like, it’s just that it became a very excuse for some.
It became me, me, me.
Having said the above, I want to add that sometimes, the mistake (or purposely done) of infidelity can either break or make a marriage. In most cases, it breaks people and family. I hope yours will fall to the "make" part. It really takes a man of character to show forgiveness when he has recieve consideration.
Good luck.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
because society has changed, no one is raised to understand what marriage really is anymore, in addition to that, some people cannot get past infidelity, which is ok and valid. there will always be people that judge you in everything you do, not just this instance, but this one i am sure hurts more. i commend you for wanting to work on your marriage and to stay true till death do you part, if that is what you truly believe is the right thing and you are at peace about it, then don’t let anyone else tell you different. when you listen to these people, you are bringing a third party into your relationship, and there is no need for that. focus on healing yourself and your marriage, get into counseling, it does take two, good luck with everything.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
These days, people think of "themselves" and not the sacred institution of marriage.the result is lack of sensitivity and need to coexist in peace and harmony which the vow, I DO promises! In your case, divorce is not the answer, discussing with deeper understanding with your wife is the key,try it, it will work! Remember, this doesn’t make you a "coward", but portrays you as a courageous and loving person to your wife
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
I think a lot of people see it that way because it is drilled into peoples head that once a cheat always a cheat so by staying it almost like they view you or anyone who does as naive but one apple doesn’t really spoil the hole bunch. Just because one does it doesn’t mean every single one does. I know you said you weren’t looking for validation but I do commend you because most women stay not men.
July 22nd, 2010 at 12:05 pm
While I can understand how someone could feel that they can not forgive their partner for cheating, I can also see that it takes huge strength of character to forgive and move on, who cares what anyone else thinks, if you truly can forgive and forget then good luck to you!