Do you think a woman accepting her husband's infidelity is a sign of insecurity or weakness?
I am doing some research for a book and wanted to know men and women’s answers to this question. All answers are welcomed
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Tags: men and women
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I feel like every situation is different. How dare someone say any woman is weak, when she goes through so much in life. A woman has a hard path to track. Some women stay in an unhappy union for everyone around her, such as the kids or family. Sometimes its not about weakness or insecurity but for security in fact.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think it’s a sign of naivety and stupidity or perhaps she does not care because she has her own thing on the side.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It could be a sign of strength.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
NO!!!! i think she really understands her man!!!!! Women like to think their men are only attracted to them but that is not true!!! If it was, men would not cheat!!!!
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It could just be emotional disconnection. I think most women who settle for this just don’t feel like they really care about their marriages anymore.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It is a sign of how blind love Truly is. It is also a sign of how afraid a woman is to lose her comfort zone that she would accept infidelity
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think many women accept their man’s infidelity as a relief as they don’t care to be inconvenienced by having sex with him anymore and are grateful that his mistress is now doing the " heavy lifting " for her.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think it takes a very strong woman to stand by a man who cheats on her once. I think it takes a fool to stand by a man who cheats on her repeatedly. I personally am not strong enough to work through infidelity be it once or 100.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think that it just means she doesn’t want the fallout that would occur if she were to stand up to him about it. That could mean insecurity or weakness, but it could also just be denial or the fact that she might not really care.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
No. I think if she is willing to accept it she is really in love with the person and doesn’t give enough credence to sex as a emotionally bonding experience. I think a lot of women (and men) would condone interpersonal sexual relationships and even deem them necessary if they positively effected their income, relationship and family. Contrary to popular belief there are a lot more of these types of relationships than we think. Stress, anxst, remote living, all are reasons that a positive inter-personal relationship could be good for a marriage without being the downfall on another side. People generally are bored with each other and may see the extra partner as a release from the boredom or as a way out of having to provide that particular need for their partners.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Oh yes, by all means. It’s a very big sign of a weakness, insecurity, in either of them. Especially women. The wives that tolerate this from their mates are afraid of the world. They are scared to go out there and try to support them selves. It’s easier for them to look the other way, and still have a roof over their head, paid for, or they think they can’t find another mate, or they are too lazy to look for one.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Not at all. The woman may accept because she is mature, grew from it, and genuinely loves the man. Some people need hammers to hit them in the head before they begin to grow and mature, other people only need to slip a little. Each woman and each relationship is different.
Love and growth are not always taught at home, many parents have poor parenting skills, adults may not learn things until they have fallen very low and begin to grow by finally facing the issues that influence their behaviors.
You can never lump women into a catch all category with respect to your question.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It all depends on the circumstances. For instance a man and woman are having initimate issues, so the man brings it up time and time again and tries to fix it. The wife seems to just ignore the issue and doesn’t meet him half way. Chances are that man will cheat right? So he goes out and does his thing and immediately feels regret and he tells his wife what he did. If both are willing to work on the trust that was lost (husband busting his ass at gaining it back and wife trying her best to trust him again) then she is a very strong woman in my opinion.
But lets say there was multiple times and the man is just enjoying it every second and she takes him back because she is too afraid of being alone then well yes she is very insecure and weak.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It is a sign of courage and strength. It takes a lot of courage and strength to forgive someone for hurting us.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
she must treuly love him to forgive him .. becuase thats what i did! cuz i know i can’t live a moment away from him .. though he was not in his senses and thought it was me and he said he is sorry way more than i thought he would so i forgave him.. but if he was in his sense i think i would have left him .. becuase he would not keep me if i ever cheated on him in my senses so i think it should be both ways ..
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
To a point yes, they don’t have any self respect when they stay. They think they can change him or keep it from happening again, however, you can never change someone and it’ll never stop. Once he has gotten away with it ( by staying) he’ll do it again and again.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
There could be a zillon reasons why a woman (or man) would accept this. Insecurity, fear, love, disbelief, just don’t care, money, children, comfort, not interested in sex . . .
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Depends on what you mean by "accepting his infidelity." There are lots of very happy polyamorous people in the world, but also lots of cheating monogamists.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
the woman has no self esteem.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Accepting that behavior can mean she has very low self-esteem and does not believe she deserves any better, or that there is even better treatment OUT there from a man.
She may be so convinced also that she can ‘love him’ into fidelity if she just is a better wife.
It can also be a bit cultural - He works, he pays the bills, he doesn’t beat you - shut up and be grateful.
The word ‘weakness’ is a bit harsh to me.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Girl, if you forgive him for sleeping with other women he wont learn a thing. Be strong and do the right thing. (not necerssary break up with him)
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
No, that just gives the woman a free pass to cheat.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Neither weakness nor strength.
The details matter.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think every situation is different… Sometimes couples just go through terrible periods in their marriage and sometimes a husband can act stupid once and fess up to his actions right away. Then on the other hand their are people who everything is going perfect in the marriage but he has multiple affairs with multiple women and continues until he gets caught. Even though infidelity is wrong in all respects I think a woman who accepts the first type is a lot more understandable then the second. Any woman who believes her husband can change after having a Jesse James/ Tiger Woods kind of affair is sadly mistaken and I think it is a sign of weakness!
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
There are variations on how to tackle this question, depending on the circumstances. Generally, if this is the first time the marriage has encountered this issue- no it is not. It depends on what your definition of "acceptance” is. When a woman accepts her husband’s infidelity, this can either mean turning a blind eye to the matter, or that she is willing to recognise the issue and thereafter deal with it. These are two very different things. Accepting it, in the purest sense of the word, is by fact, a sign of insecurity and fear. Fear of being along, the insecurity of not being able to find anyone else. The latter is a more common circumstance on the other hand. It is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of strength and loyalty. Mistakes are made in every marriage, and it is a core indicator of that marriage’s strength, that those mistakes be dealth with. A wife’s willingness to tackle this issue, by no means accepting it in its entirety, but accepting it as an error of judgement on her husband’s part, indicates that the woman’s loyalty and love for her husband surpases his mistakes. This leaniency has its margins though. So, to answer your question; it is not a sign of weakness on the wife’s part- but actually on the husband’s.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think this will be an interesting book. This is a complex question you know. There is so much more I want to know first.
Was it a one night stand or is this just part of the deal - he can do whatever he wants and he does.
These would be put in two different categories and then I’d answer this way: One night stand: No you don’t accept IT but if he is truly sorry (heartbroken) and wants to know how he can fix it, no matter how long it takes and he’s willing to do that I would accept it by forgiving and healing together. In the second scenario it is often a sign of insecurity or weakness if it is just accepted. They could be weak from past emotional or physical abuse in the past. I am not judging them when I say weak or insecure. I haven’t been there or walked in her shoes. There is also the possibility that she is the strongest, most secure woman I could ever meet because she is willing to put herself last for her children to have daddy and mommy together. Let’s say this man is a good provider, a terrific dad and has all the appearances of being a good husband in love with mom. She decides it’s worth it for them, not her. I just have a hard time judging women who are cheated on. Sorry it’s not short and to the point.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It is definitely a sign of insecurity. First of all you have to be intelligent enough to be able to fully understand what your spouse has done to you. Cheating on your spouse is a result of an immoral and selfish thought process. In order to cheat you must make a conscious and willing decision to disregard your wedding vows, disregard the hurt it will cause, disregard the love of your spouse and you must be willing to loose your spouse because of your actions. Everyone who cheats has consciously thought of these things.
Cheating is NOT a one-time "accident" and it does mean something. It means you don’t truly love or deserve your faithful spouse. Taking back a cheater sends a message to him telling him that there are no real consequences for cheating. Everything will go back to just the way it was. Why would he not do it again. She will just forgive it because she is insecure and gullible.
A lot of women have a tendency to think they can change a man into some kind of better human being. But, he is what he is. he won’t change for you. The delusion that love creates in some women’s minds is incredible. The love in their hearts blinds them into only seing their husband as a good guy who is the most perfect human being alive (or some other morphed version of that). This is sad and unfortunate for the poor women who are like that.
A person who is intelligent enough to understand the total lack of respect their cheating spouse has for them will never take them back. The only people who would take them back are the ones who are weak or have self-esteem issues. These poor souls are either not strong enough to stand up for themselves or are not smart enough to know that their spouse does not love them.
Accepting a person back into my marriage after they have knowingly and willingly disregarded the wedding vows they swore to abide by in front of family, friends and God is not something I would ever do.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Depends on the women involved and how important it is to her to keep her family together no matter what….look at the Clinton’s….So I would say that it could be for reasons you have stated or many other factors that make women do what they do.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
In answer to your question do I think a woman accepting her husbands infidelity is a sign of insecurity or weakness ,I would have to say no it is not a sign of insecurity and it certainly is not a sign for weakness ,it is a sign of strength ,it is easy to walk away ,when you say you love someone this would be the time to show them but only once if it should happen over and over then it would be time to split ,It takes a lot of hard work to put a marriage back in shape after infidelity ,I know personally and I don’t consider myself to be either weak nor insecure ,it’s not about blame either ,men only cheat because they believe they can ,it’s all a game to them ,most don’t realize they have issues until confronted with them ,after infidelity a light goes on when they are caught and that desire put to death for whoever it was at that time they were playing around with …game over no longer fun when exposed ,with whoever they were cheating with loses most of the time , on the other hand when boundaries are crossed only the one who crossed them have the issues , to continue in such bad behaviour is suicide to any marriage and it should be ended period ,once bitten twice shy I say .To err is human to forgive is divine .
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I think that it is both. They blame the other person that they cheated with instead of their spouse that cheated on them. They are settling and making themselves feel better by casting blame somewhere else. I think it takes a stronger person to say I deserve better than this and walk away.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
It could be a lot of different things since most married couples have different issues, live different lives; there could be children involved, etc.
My opinions are to those that I’ve noticed that has stayed in a marriage after infidelity. I feel they don’t want to leave because there are children involved. It’s not that they are weak when you are part of a family you just don’t want to break that. If they can forgive they will but they surely won’t forget. Also it could be that they are so used to living the life they live that if they were to turn away and move on it would be too much for them. They don’t want to deal with the changes that are coming their way because life for them would be difficult to live. For example: say a mother of 4 who has always been a stay at home mom, she solely depends on her husband since he is the only bread winner in the family. When there is infidelity how can she leave? She’s never been in the work force, she is used to being given money to spend and not have to pay any bills… will she chooses to stick by her man and still live that life or move on and be independent and rely on herself even though she has been spoiled for so many years? She wants to be in her comfort zone, breaking it could be the end of the world for her. It’s not easy for some women to think they can make it on their own when it can be easily done. Of course it’s a rough path to start but it can be done. Their mentality is stuck in that "comfort zone" which I feel is probably one of the main reasons why most women who have been cheated on still stay in the marriage after infidelity.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Acceptance is not the word i would use. I took my ex husband back after he cheated on me .
Yes I felt sick to the stomach, you blame yourself or i did (did i stay at work too long etc). I was very vunerable when i happened , just a few weeks away from giving birth when i found out.
Yes I felt i wouldn’t be able to cope alone, i was apprehensive and insecure of what the future might hold for me, but I never once felt weak. He was distraught, wanted to be together as a family blah blah, i felt i had all the choices at that point.
It took all my strength to agree to have him in the same room as me, never mind the same bed. I felt i owed it to our unborn child to try to make the relationship work.
He begged forgiveness and at that point i truly believed i held all the cards. But it takes a very special person to forgive and i found out that i’m not one of them. No one is perfect, you don’t know how u will react until it happens to you. I tried to make it work but in the end, i couldn’t get
over it and we ended our marriage, not before i may add, his life and mine was hell for a few years.
The reasons men stray are as varied as the relationships they occur in.
For the people that stick together and MAKE SENSE OF WHERE IT WENT WRONG, then good luck to them. For the ones that bury their head in the sand, you are only fooling yourself,
either way, i don’t think its a weakness to attempt to forgive, i just couldn’t.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
I view it as a sign that she is naive and thinks that by forgiving him, the behavior will stop. Not all men/women cheat but some cheat chronically and they cannot stop - and staying with them will not help. I think anybody who is cheated on should end the relationship and move on; the trust is gone, as is the respect. What is left?
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Yes I do believe that.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
In my opinion yes it is. Although I am aware of reasons why some women would for the support marriage can bring or to shield there children and in some ways I can respect a woman doing what she has to do.
But it takes a strong woman to leave her marriage due to infidelity by her spouse. But staying in a marriage and excepting it is something entirely different and its one thing if your trying to repair your marriage and move forward but if your staying out of fear of your life changing or out of something trivial such as that then yes I do believe it’s a sign of weakness and desperation.
May 12th, 2010 at 7:23 am
Think of this logic: Are you willing to throw away security, twenty years of marriage and having your children call some tramp "Mommy"? What if it was one indescretion? What if the other woman is a stalker woman who would do anything to get your man? There is an element of not letting the other woman "win".
It depends on the situation. If that were to happen to me, I’d be very tempted to say, "Well, now I get to have the Puggle puppy I always wanted, travel around the world, be gone all day, not make YOUR dinner or do YOUR laundery, and get a Mercedes with a lover to go with it… and YOU now can’t say ANYTHING about it! … Oh, and I will not divorce you because some trashy girl isn’t going to help raise my children."