Comments on: Dealing with Infidelity? Please Help?

By: Ally O

Ally O — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:54:01 +0000

i’m sorry to hear about your husband cheating on you - but your listing these demands and basically giving him these ultimatiums is a no go………..he is a human being, and so are you. how would you feel if it was the other way about?????

to be honest - unless you can see yourself letting him have some privacy and earning his trust again that way, I dont see how your relationship is ever ever going to work with your being so controlling!!!

good luck what ever you decide to do.

By: terra

terra — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:54:01 +0000

You can forgive, for yourself, not for him, it will help you not to be eaten up by bitterness to forgive him, that said, you need not ever forget. The list you have seems like you are doomed for failure, not to be mean but it seems like you are very demanding and that might be why he thought the grass was greener….

Try Divorce Remedy, it is a book and they also have a website and counselors that are focused on solutions to your problems, not a freudian or any other kind of analysis of you past relationships, childhood or whatever. Focus on the present, the future will take care of itself. If you dwell on the past, you will be miserable. With the counselor I had, I changed my perspective and way of doing things and my husband changed a lot of things and he never even went to counseling. I would have never believed it, but I lived it.

To me the plan you propose is no way to live for him or you, please reconsider your plan. You appear very vindictive and self righteous, I hope I am not offending you and I probably am a little, but if you love him you won’t treat him like a child regardless of a Big mistake he has made.

By: ncsdcommunications

ncsdcommunications — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:54:01 +0000

With all of your demands, the relationship is hopeless.
Either you forgive him or you don’t, it’s not conducive to a healthy and trusting relationship to have your spouse on such a tight leash.
If he is going to cheat again, he will do so, even while meeting all of your demands and you will be none he wiser.
I understand that you feel vulnerable and your demands are an attempt to protect yourself from him doing the same thing again, but you can only suppress his true intentions temporarily with your demands.
Either he has learned from his mistake and you can both move forward or he has not learned a thing and will continue the same behavior.
It is better to give him enough rope to hang himself than it is to think that YOU can prevent him from doing this again.
Good luck either way, I wish you the best!

By: linda71kids

linda71kids — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:54:01 +0000

Wow I give you credit. I would say if he is willing to do all that just to make things work then go for it, I do not think many men would agree to a list like that.

Good Luck,
Linda

By: flagger

flagger — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 06:54:01 +0000

You can demand essentially three things.
That it stops NOW
That it will not happen again
And he tell you what happens if it does ( that post nuptial thing)

Apart from that you really cannot demand anything.
All other has to be voluntary.

Get the book, "After the Affair".

It has trust building strategy and is a good read fro both of you.
Much of what you have asked goes into the category of "low cost"
trust building . Much of it works.

I’m thinking 5 years is a little on the long side. If you cannot get this majorly done at one year and essentially over by two, give it up now.
No one needs five years of this especially you.