Any idea why my husband was searching for his ex on the internet?
We are married for 10 months and we seem to hit it pretty well, though sometimes we fight and occasionally disagree with our ideas and principals. Recently, I found out that he was searching for his ex on Friendster’s. I haven’t confronted him about it yet, and it troubles me.
My questions are:
1. How should I approach him and talk about it?
2. Any reason why he searched his ex on the net? (they’re not friends)
3. Could this be sign of infidelity?
I’m slipping away. You’re suggestions and comments will really help. Thanks.
Grace
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Tags: 10 months, friendster, infidelity, principals
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
do they have a kid together ?
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
hitting it…????…lmao
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Just ask him outright. Don’t accuse him of cheating.
Maybe he’s still bitter and he’s hoping to find out that she lives in the gutter or something.
Probably not, if he was searching for her, then he doesn’t know where she is. Maybe he had a dream about her or something, and is just wondering what she’s doing.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
well, if you were found searching for your ex(if you ever had one)…well your hubby wouldnot like it! so instead of tormenting yourself,ask him.
ask not accuse him. ask when you are calm and cool.be firm.I hope the explanation might turn ut to be something which is not worrying.
also pray about it my dear.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I would ask him the following questions:
Are you happy with our relationship?
Do you feel free and open to express yourself sexually?
Also ask yourself this: do you show enough interest in the things he likes to do? Do you treat him like he is the man? I know that sounds silly, but men have a strong desire to be that "man" in his woman’s eyes. Is your relationship all about you, or is it about both of you?
It could just be curiosity, or it could be a sign to a much more serious problem with your marriage.
Approach it as not the problem, but only a symptom. Don’t confront him and accuse him of anyting because that will only drive him away and cause a defensive response. Find out the answers to the above questions, and then if he asks why you are asking, you can bring up the issue and say you wanted to make sure he was happy with you.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
cause he is about to leave you as sad as it may seem you need to prepare yourself for the worse or better yet ask him what the hell is goin on!!
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
I wouldn’t worry about it. He’s probably just curious. If you ask him about it he’ll probably think you’re spying on him. Trust your husband. Everyone fights from time to time — if you didn’t you’d probably get bored with each other. If you notice him drifting away from you, or find out that he’s doing something like meeting with her secretly, then approach him. It’s fun sometimes to find out what people from your past are doing.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Curiousity. Wanting to know if he’s doing better…maybe he heard she was doing something interesting…We always check on the past to confirm that the present is good…
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
i understand your husband..he just dio it for fun..no big deal.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
He may have just been bored and trying to see if the computer could find her. I have searched for people whose names I barely remember- wouldn’t know what to do with them if I found them. I doubt it is a sign of infidelity.
I would approach him about it though. I tend to be pretty direct so I would just ask him straight out. Be calm about it though- keep in mind it is probably nothing to be worried about.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Hi Grace. I’m so sorry to hear that.
1. You must confront him with it openly and ask him why he would defy you like that.
2. Obviously, he is still interested in his ex if he searched for her. Something to think about there!
3. There is no such thing as could in this situation, he is being infidel! Good luck…yours truly, JB.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Grace,
What you say in the last line of your request - that you are slipping away- that is the one that is the most important, surely just finding out he was doing a search on the Internet is not the reason this would happen.
Also troubling is the fact that you do not trust him. Shown by the fact that you are snooping, yes, snooping in his mail or Internet accounts.
There seem to be issues of trust and maybe you are realizing that since your ideas and principles really do not jive, you don’t have much in common.
These would be reasons you feel you are ’slipping away’. Not the fact that he did an Internet search for an ex. I don’t think there is a one amongst us who have not hit up a site like classmates to see what old girlfriends now look like. This doesn’t mean we are considering infidelity because we looked up SuzieQ on classmates!!!
Could it be that you are trying to find fault with him so that you have a reason to justify breaking up? Just asking…..
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
If and when you approach him, do it in a non-attacking way. Don’t accuse him of anything, just bring it up casually.
He is probably just goofing around. He is with you now, this is not as big as it may seem. Do you have any memorabilia stored somewhere from a past relationship? If so, your just as guilty.
He’s not cheating on you until he sneaks around and starts calling her.
To love your husband is to trust him.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
First of all i was wondering how you found this out. He must not have anything to hide or he doesn’t know how to get rid of history on the internet. Trust is a big thing in relationships, along w/communication.
1. I wouldn’t approach if you snooped.
2. Did he look for anyone else? or just her? I as a guy look up old friends to try and see how they have been but never EX’s.
3. Could be a sign of many things. I personally hate computers when combined w/relationships. Is he on the computer ALOT?
Hang in there woman and talk about the relationship so you will be RE-ASSURED it is all right.
Always a price 2 pay when someone snoops..Don’t go looking if you aren’t prepared on the findings.
BEST of LUCK!
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Sounds like you could be the one with the issues. What were you doin..snoopin around..trying to find something on him? Thats not just something that you stumble upon..you looked hard…and why? And I bet he looked up other old friends too ..huh? I’m not saying that men are above cheating..paaalease! But the principals issue..is something that should have been resolved waay early in the relationship..long before an engagement..nevermind the marriage. This all sounds back asswards. You’re snooping..and if you dont trust him..you shouldnt have married him. Arent u curious as to whats happend to anyone you dated? If you looked them up..and he found out..what would you say? Is it ok for you..but not him? Just come out and ask him..but he’ll know you dont trust him..just by the snooping. This could easily backfire..he’ll wonder what you’ve been up to..that makes you so suspicious.
September 21st, 2010 at 4:53 pm
how did you find out he was searching for his ex? that may determine how you approach him about it.
under normal circumstances, being as though he’s "MAN" be direct as possible with him. make no assumptions or ask accusatory questions that will probably make him defensive.
based on his answer to your questions will let you know if there is a sign of infidelity…
hope this helps..