After infidelity - is a lie of any kind a warning sign?
My husband and I were high school sweethearts. I thought for sure we were soul mates. He wanted to marry early I did not. At 20 I became pregnant. 5 yrs later we had another child. We married 7 years later and have been for 7 years. At times he has been distant but never for long and never felt he was cheating. He always cooked, cleaned, attended to the kids; however, tension started in the home 6 months ago. I under pressure at work - started to work late 3 days a wk. He became distant and then over the last 4 months avoided me. The intimacy almost stopped completely 2 months ago. He only went to work so it was easy to have someone watch him and sure enough he had a close friend but both say nothing happened. (He said he tended to himself.) We are trying to wk this out but he is lying about small stuff – why? Is this a control issue? Is this a warning sign? I am thinking he may not be trusted as he is comfortable with this and maybe believes himself. (denial) HELP!
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Tags: 4 months, denial, high school sweethearts, intimacy, small stuff, soul mates, tension, warning sign, wk
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Small lies, distancing himself, and especially not having sex, all these added up spell trouble. I won’t speculate as to what may or may not be going on, but you two need to talk asap. Something is most definately going on to cause him to act in such a way, because being quite about the situation will only allow it slip further and further towards heart ache.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
lies are lies, somethings going on
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
So you don’t know if he really cheated or not? Both he and the friend deny they were physical?
His lying could be a sign that he is cheating……. it depends on what he is lying about. Has he ever been prone to lying before? Or are you just catching him now?
I would say that you need marriage and family counseling IMMEDIATELY. You might try reading Dr Laura’s book The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage. She outlines the mistakes that couples do and how to avoid them.
I hope that it all works out for you… good luck!
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
You both have to talk. Let him know how you feel and ask him how he feels about the relationship. Things can be worked out through communication, and if you ask him if he’s cheating, you will probably will know by his answer. I am sure you know him by now. Maybe he is going through a depression you’ll never know until you both talk. Good Luck.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Something is going on and it is not good. Remember that the b1tch will have done a number on you. She will have told him that you do not respect him as a man, only want him as a housemaid, etc. If the sex has virtually died, you have real problems. I don’t know what you do, except perhaps move say at least 200 miles away - a distance that you cannot travel by car in one day.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Do you have proofs? If not;you can untrust your husband;You look very sensitive and imaginative;everybody lie in life and that doesn’t means cheating mom. If your husband have woman-friends;nothing is wrong with that;it’s his right as social human being no?
talk with him seriously and honest.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
Once a cheater always a cheater…My ex-wife of 12 years was and I finally got fed up.Now we’re apart and happier than we have been for many years…And yet I find myself thinking that he could be telling the little lies to prevent you from being upset again.He must realize he hurt you and is trying to avoid little scurmishes. I’d just tell him to be honest and you won’t get mad…Different people react differently when they screw-up so I wouldn’t try to find him doing something wrong…at least not for now…CD
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
There is a reason he is lying, weather it is small stuff or not. He probably has been doing it for a while and you just never noticed. If there is no intimacy for two months , he is getting it somewhere. As far as the recent tension, he just don’t want to be there.
February 23rd, 2010 at 9:13 pm
when one lie is told……the trust is over…..IF by chance you allow him to "prove" to you he will NEEEEEEVER do that agin and then the second lie/s………..no matter how small a lie……..you will wonder…..if he lied about that…..what big lie will he tell.trust is so fragile