Advice please on infidelity?
My husband and I separated a month ago due to his infidelity. I first found out for sure that he cheated on me a few weeks after our first child was born. He did not show remorse but when i asked about it he admitted everything and i forgave him. It seemed as if he was going to straighten up but a few months i found out that he was cheating again. This time I kept it to myself as well as the next time in hopes that he would stop. Then i noticed he started reading the bible and i figured that he was really trying to change. About two months afterwards i found out that he was cheating with multiple women at the same time. I was at my breaking point when i found out he didn’t use protection with them and then slept with me. I put him out and now he is saying that sometimes he feels like bashing my head in one day and the next day he wants to come home and be a good husband and father. I know that our vows said till death do us part but never in a million years would i have imagined that I would be going through this. He didn’t show any signs of this before we were married unless i was just blinded by love. I don’t know what to do. I feel like if i stay then i will be setting myself up for him to do it again and if i leave it will be a financial struggle for me and our children. Someone please give me some insight on my situation. I have been praying about it and am stuck because of biblical beliefs about divorce and finances.
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Tags: bible, biblical beliefs, breaking point, divorce, financial struggle, infidelity, insight, love, million years, remorse, signs, vows
April 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm
You need to separate from him for at least 6 months. Still allow him to be a father to his child. But you need distance from him for your sanity. It sounds unlikely he will change, but the 6 months will be an opportunity. He will try to come back during that time, but don’t give in one inch. During this time, you need to see what life is like without him there. Take this time to become more independent. Use this as your "me and my child time". It will make you stronger. Now this next piece of advice is critical!! Heed it. You will have family and friends and your pastor and church folk trying to tell you to forgive him and take him back for the sake of the marriage and the child. And to pray and let God take care of it. It’s a cop out!!! Prayer works in marriage if BOTH sides are serious about God healing the marriage. Obviously, he isn’t! This is your one life, and you have to live it in some relative sanity. Right now, he does not have the self control to live up to the vows. Lastly, at the end of the 6 months, you have a decision o make. Take him back with counseling, or move on. It’s up to you. If yo take him back, understand that your marriage will never be th same as it was before the cheating. You will always look at him with a scrutinizing eye 5 years, 10 years, even 30 years from now. This would now be your new reality! If you leave him, understand that you will miss him, even hurt for his company, but from the ashes of that pain will rise a new, resilient, beautiful strong woman who will eventually find her true prince. Much luck to you and the decision is yours and yours alone.
P.s> be sure and not sleep with him at all during this 6 month trial. make him come to you. at the end of 6 months test him. it takes 6 months for an hiv test to show accurately. don’t even kiss him! herpes is very easily-obtained, even with condom usage. keep yourself safe. no sexual contact.
April 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Always stay in the bible, you know that already. regardless of what your husband has done, Jesus is the same today tomorrow and always.
it sounds like there is a great battle going on inside your husband, he read the bible seeking truth, maybe seeking repentance, the devil knows that and saw to it that he was tempted again.
don’t give up Jesus has already won, at Calvary.
continue in prayer and remain committed to a bible preaching church.
you may win him over by your actions.
however if he is sleeping around you may want to talk to a doctor because God doesn’t want you to be physically destroyed either.
and talk to your pastor.
April 18th, 2011 at 12:17 pm
Dear Lady:
I do so appreciate that you actually do know and care about what the Bible says. What a breath of fresh air in a whirlwind of people who have no morals and do not even care that they don’t.
But, please realize that your husband being unfaithful is the only reason God lists as being scriptural justification for divorce. If you divorce him for being unfaithful, you will still be well within the scriptural justifications for doing so.
Now, my words and not the Bibles. I think the only thing I would caution you on is this: Do you think you gave him good reasons or grounds to cheat? In other words, did you say no to sex all the time? If you did, you had a hand in his cheating. Not that it would make it okay, but it would not make you just a victim, it would more make you a causal factor. That is just my personal view mind you. But if you did not act that way, then you are fine in divorcing him for cheating.
I commend you for trying to forgive him. Understand that the Bible does not say you must divorce for the spouse cheating, it simply says that you are allowed to do so without God seeing it as a sin for you to do so.
Something that really is sticking with me is that your hubby is an idiot by all accounts. He would seem to have found the rare woman who does actually have some morals and some knowledge of the scriptures and who is not simply looking for ways to get divorced, and he is acting this way. You dear lady, if you lead your life trying to please the Lord by actually do what God said you are suppose to do, are a rare jewel. Trust me, there are many of us men who would have given all to have a wife that acted this way rather than following the feminazi path.
You will be in my prayers as will your hubby and your children.